Situations always make me a stronger person.

Hola migente! Wassabe!

It's been awhile since I been here.  Well since my last blog a lot has been going on.  I been very busy.  I re-arranged my living room, got rid of the annoying biatch Diamond etc etc.  She living good now though.  She live in a house with a two doctors and three children and a huge back yard she can run wild in.  Glad I let her go.  Any who I still have my turtle, guinea pig and Bella.

My son was in the hospital for a day and half due to somehow getting asthma.  That was the most scariest experience for the both of us.  Well to me more because he really didn't understand what was going on with him and only wanted to be home playing the damn Xbox.  I on the other hand was a paranoid wreck inside but remain strong and calm for the both of us.  Thank goodness I had my family Debbony, Ramze and Ruben by my side and my peoples Michi, Lissy, Rosie, Fifi and more supporting me via text etc.  It's not easy nor pleasurable to hear a doctor say "you're lucky you brought him in when you did."  That shit blew my mind!! That's my baby, my prince, my second and final born.  I thank god that everything turned out right and my baby is okay now! Well physically, mentally and emotionally okay, but he still under medication and has to be monitored very closely and is limited on a lot pf physical activities for now.  But I am truly grateful for both my children.

My teen! She drives me nuts!!! But she my twin, my princess, my first born, my everything and my mirror image to the power of infinity! But she hasn't killed me yet! Otherwise Ya wouldn't be reading this.  Oh yeah and hers too ended up in the hospital because her never listens when I tell her it's cold out put on a coat.  She be swearing that she freaking cold proof!! FOH! What the hell is wrong with teenagers dag nammit! and then they got the nerves to blame me when they get sick...like nah son! But any who...she aiight after 3 hours and two treatments.  She ain't got to be monitored, she just gotta be slapped up into wearing her coat which she effin didn't wear today cause after she left to school I found it in the living room. She wore her tiny ass justin beiber jacket (that's what I call it.)  Deja que se me enferme otra ves.  She gonna hear my mouth till infinity.

Me! Went through that experience with my baby and then had to do a lot of catching up at work.  You know what it is to work in a damn hurricane with no MTA transportation, so you're limited to actually do work cause you can't do home visits to then end up in an emergency with one of your children that caused me to have to take some days off and then the holiday to have to comeback to a huge amount of work and like 4 damn brand new cases.  I have been working overtime since catching up with visits and gonna have to continue working overtime just to document them damn visits.  But anyway, I know I can do it.  I always do!

Through all this, I learned that I am the strongest person I know! Nothing can break me and can only strengthen me.  What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.  Life goes on....

Bueno migente have a good evening! Hasta la proxima!

Parenting: There is no wrong or right way...

     Often times you hear people say things like "that's bad parenting" or "they are raising their children the wrong way" which only makes you think...well WTF is good parenting or what is the right way to parent.  The thing is, there is no wrong or right way.  There is just effective and ineffective ways of dealing with children. 

When children do things we don't agree with, they are not being bad.  They are just doing something we don't agree with.  The key to fixing that is letting them know and giving them consequences.  Communication is always the key to every solution.  People have to let their children know their expectations of them and what happens if they don't do what you expect of them.  You also have to let them know that things can't always be their way.  When they do something wrong, you have to explain why it's wrong as well as help them understand why it's wrong.  One must always take the time out to communicate with their children, so you can understand each other. 

Yes my children are not perfect but neither am I.  Everyday I learn something new about them and something about myself.  As well as they learn things about me and themselves.  Everyday I teach them new expectations and new consequences.  When things don't work out and they do things that I don't agree with, I don't hold it against them.  I just talk to them and let them know why and I try to find a more effective way of handling the situation. 

I found that getting angry and yelling does not work.  Behavior modification with good communication does work.  It's okay to let your child know that you are disappointed by their actions and they must be disciplined for it.  But never stop communicating with them.  Never give your children the silent treatment.  That's the worst thing a parent can do, cause they will shut down on you.  Never loose trust in your children, even if they do things that cause you not to trust them.  Always be open with your feelings and let them know how you feel as well as listen to what they have to say.  There is always a reason behind everything.  No matter how upset they get when you punish them and they begin to say things like "that's why I hate you".  Don't give in!  That's the worst thing you can do and that is where you make your mistake which only leads you to believe that you are a bad parent. 

I am not the perfect parent but I learn from trial and error.  What works for me, may not work for others and what works for others, may not work for me.  The key is to find what works for you and your children.  The worst thing to do is give up on yourself and consider yourself a bad parent or consider your children bad children.  That's straight societal thinking.  My views tend to be different from society.  But that is another blog.

My view for me and my children; we may not be perfect and we have our ups and downs.  But we never give up on each other and we manage to always work things out, especially through communication. 

Change is good!

Working in an agency that is fast paced and goes through many changes... one can only accustom and accept it.  I have learned a lot about myself within the past months.  Back in 2008 when we would go through changes I became afraid and anxious cause things were new to me.  As months gone by I learned that there are always gonna be changes.  Next to you know I began finding myself getting angry and frustrated cause it was like there was way too many changes in which some I did not agree with and still don't but hey whatever gets the job done.  So I learned to accept change for what it is and move on. 

Recently we have gone through several changes and I learned that the more changes we go through the more growth I develop.  I am now accepting of any change thrown our way.  Each day I learn something new about the agency, the people I work with and especially about myself.  Although I still don't agree with some of the changes that have been made.  I accept them cause I know there is always a reason behind the change.  Eventually things do work out for the better. 

I am grateful to be working in an agency that focuses in the safety of our City's children and on strenghtening our families.  I am also grateful for the great supporters and colleagues that I have who provide constant guidance and have helped to develop my skills and maturity in this agency.

My Societal Background

LOL...I see this picture and it looks like some type of bochinche going on.  But it fits for what I am about to express.

Race - Biological categorization (hair, eyes, skin, etc.) 
Ethnicity - Group of racially similar people of similar origin 
Culture - Shared values, ideals, beliefs of a group of people regardless of race and ethnicity
Cultural Identity - Chosen or adopted culture
Nationality - What is the nation they identify as their national origin

Working at where I work and doing what I do; I have learned a lot and I have come from being naive to accepting it all.  We are all born HUMANS.  So although I am "Nuyorican".  If yah don't know a "Nuyorican" is someone born in New York whose parents were born in Puerto Rico.  My roots as I researched and my parents have answered numerous times when asked derived from Puerto Rican, Irish, Italian, African American (my pops side) and Puerto Rican, Taino and Spaniard (my moms side).  Dayuuum! Am a Mutt! Lol.  But anyways I really dislike being asked the questions what are you? (in other words what race or nationality) I always gotta be sarcastic and say HUMAN; because I am of the human race.  Really that is not an appropriate question.  I could never ask a client that.  I asked them the correct terms; what's your nationality, culture and how do you identify yourself in race?  Actually what are you? like so deserve any type of answer, especially a sarcastic one. And can also be answered with another question such as what the eff do you mean?!

So let me break it down for you.  Race- My Skin color is what I like to say beige (tan), my eyes are brown and my hair is dyed.  In other words by societal standards I am disque "White".  Ethnicity-Hispanic/Latina and I use both because I am Hispanic because I come from a culture and place of origin that speak Spanish.  Latina because I am a Spanish female with Italian roots (Italy was once under the Roman Rule and this is where the term Latino comes from).  Culture- I identify myself with Puerto Rican American.  Why, because I share the values, ideals and beliefs of both. I celebrate Christmas cause I am American but I also celebrate 3 kings day cause I am Puerto Rican.  I put up the American flag during the 4th of July cause I am American and I throw up my Puerto Rican flag basically through out the year and attend the Puerto Rican day parade cause I be like pura boricua.  Cultural Identity- I chose to identify myself with what I am Puerto Rican Irish Italian Taino Spaniard African American American Nuyorican! JUST LIKE THAT! DAS IT! Nationality - at the end of the day I am an AMERICAN! GO OBAMA!!

There you have it! Hasta la proxima!

JUST MY THOUGHTS

LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES...YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

WHETHER IT IS GOOD OR BAD IS STILL A SURPRISE.

IT'S FUNNY HOW THINGS HAPPEN AND THINGS CHANGE.

IT'S FUNNY HOW WE SAY WERE GONNA DO SOMETHING BUT WE NEVER DO IT.

OR WE SAY THAT WE NOT GONNA DO SOMETHING BUT WE END UP DOING IT.

LIFE WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS....AND WE JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT AS IT COMES.

BUT I LOVE LIFE AND I LIVE MY LIFE...THE WAY AS IT GOES...I TAKE EACH DAY FOR GRANTED.

IF THATS THE WAY GOD WANTS ME TO BE....THAN THATS THE WAY I AM GOING TO BE.

IF HE WANTS ME TO MAKE PEACE...THAN THATS WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.....IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT...THAN ACT BLIND AND TURN THE OTHER WAY.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME.....THAN LOOK IN THE MIRROR CAUSE YOU MUST NOT LIKE YOURSELF.

IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE...YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.

I LOVE MYSELF....SO THERE FOR I LOVE YOU.

I was just thinking.

I was just think.....thinking about the memories I can't forget.  I remember them like it was yesterday.  All the times we used to share.  All the love and care.  The happy and the joyful times.  The times when we laughed and played, when we used to chase each other all day.  Even the times that we fought and then gave it a thought as to why were we fighting to begin with.  There was a lot that we shared.  We were there for each other through think and thin.  It all started out in the womb.  Yeah we shared that too.  Damn we even did things together in there.  We laughed, cried and played in there too. 

Damn we raced in there too...we raced to see who came out first.  Guess what, I won.  I beat you by sixteen minutes, thats what I was told.  From birth to childhood everything was understood.  It was when we became teens when everything began to change.  That is when everything seemed different and we began to slightly go our seperate ways.  But no matter what we still shared our love and care.  We had a special bond no one could take away.  For you were my brother and I was your sister.  As a matter of fact...we were TWINS...nothing could bring us apart...for you will always be in my heart.

To be continued

MEMORIES

I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS, WHEN WE USED TO PLAY HIDE N SEEK.  THOSE DAYS WE RAN AROUND THE HOUSE PLAYING COPS AND ROBBERS OR WAS IT DRUG DEALERS AND FIVE O.

IT DIDN'T MATTER, WE INVENTED OUR OWN GAMES. I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE "CHACHI THE GREATEST" AND I WAS "ANDRE THE GIANT".  YEAH A GIRL LIKE ME LOVED WATCHING WRESTLING.

OH AND THE DAYS MAMI AND DADDY WENT TO DO COMPRA AND WE TURNED OUR LIVING ROOM INTO A BASEBAL FIELD.  DAMN WE BROKE MAD FIGURAS.  BUT THATS AIIGHT...SHE GOT A WHOLE BUNCH NOW ANYWAYS. 

OH SNAP. I JUST REMEBERED HOW I WAS TALLER THAN YOU AS WE WERE KIDS AND DAMN YOU GREW TALLER THAN ME, BUT THAT WAS RIGHT BEFORE YOU PAST AWAY.  I MISS YOU.  BUT IT DOESN'T HURT ANYMORE. 

BUT DAMN IT HURT A LOT WHEN YOU LEFT THOUGH. BUT I LEARNED TO JUST LIVE EACH DAY WITH MEMORIES THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME. BESIDES YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT.  I CARRY YOU WITH ME IN MIND AND HEART. AND NO ONE WILL BREAK THAT APART.

BITTER SWEET MEMORIES

WHEN WE MET, WE WERE GREAT FRIENDS.

ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND SOON WE WERE LOVERS.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, HE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME. NEXT TO YOU KNOW, WE DID THE WEDDING THING.

WE WERE IN LOVE AND IT LASTED AWHILE.

THEN ONE DAY THINGS BEGAN TO CHANGE.

OUR LOVE WAS NEVER THE SAME.

HE DID IT TO ME AND I DID IT TO HIM.

ALL WAS FORGIVEN BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.

WE'D THOUGH TO GIVE IT A SECOND CHANCE AND IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED.

I RECENTLY FOUND OUT HE DID IT AGAIN.

AND THIS TIME AROUND, THE MAN THAT I LOVED AND THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE HERE WITH ME FOREVER, WALKED OUT OF MY LIFE.

I LOVED HIM SO AND IT HURTS SO MUCH.

HE WAS ALWAYS GOOD TO ME, I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART, WHY DID THIS OTHER ONE HAD TO GO AND BREAK US APART?

THEY SAY I SHOULD GET OVER HIM, BUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND. THAT THE LOVE I HAD FOR HIM IS HARD TO WITHDRAW.

I WAS ADDICTED TO HIS LOVE AND TENDERNESS. I HAD A ROUTINE IN MY LIFE WITH HIM. 

NOW EACH DAY OF MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH BITTER SWEET MEMORIES.

I SPEND MY NIGHTS THINKING OF HIM AND WONDERING WHERE DID THINGS GO WRONG. FOR THE LOVE I HAD FOR HIM WAS ALWAYS STRONG.

I MISS HIM SO MUCH, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND MY GREAT DEPRESSION.

WHEN IT COMES TO THE BITTER SWEET MEMORIES, I FIND THAT CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP IS THE ONLY THING THAT I CAN DO.

I KNOW HE IS NOT COMING BACK.  SO SLOWLY BUT SURELY I WILL GET OVER HIM.

MY BABIES ARE THE ONES WHO KEEP ME SANE, ALTHOUGH I KNOW THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

THINKING OF MY LOST LOVE...

YOU WERE MY BROTHER...YOU WERE MY FRIEND.

IN MY HEART YOU WILL ALWAYS BE UNTIL THE END.

AFTER YOU LEFT...MY LIFE WENT ON...WITH SUCH SWEET SORROW OVER AND OVER UNTIL TOMORROW.

IT'S A CYCLE IN MY LIFE THAT IS NEVER ENDING FOR MY TURN IS STILL PENDING.

I WAIT PATIENTLY FOR MY LORD TO COME FOR ME...FOR YOU AND ME TOGETHER WE WILL ALWAYS BE.

I KEEP YOU WITH ME..EACH DAY AND NIGHT, EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY IS A REAL BIG FIGHT...BUT KNOWING THAT YOU'RE WITH ME MAKES EVERYTING ALRIGHT.

NEAR OR FAR APART...YOU WERE ALWAYS AND WILL REMAIN IN MY HEART.

DEEP THOUGHTS

I WAS BORED AND WAS THINKING, WHY DO THINGS ALWAYS GOT THE OPPOSITE WAY.

LIKE WHEN YOU ARE WAITING FOR A CAB AND THERE IS NEVER ONE AROUND AND WHEN YOU AIN'T TRYING TO TAKE ONE, THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO APPEAR OUT OF NO WHERE.

OR WHEN YOU IN A FREAKING RUSH...THE TRAIN TAKES FOREVER TO REACH YOUR STOP AND HAS MANY DELAYS BEFORE YOU REACH YOUR FINAL DESTINATION. 

AND WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN A RUSH TO GET HOME, CAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE F*&*(^ IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU GET THERE, YOU FREAKING GET THERE TOO FAST.

WHAT ABOUT THE DAYS WHEN YOU WAITING FOR THAT PERSON TO CALL AND THEY NEVER DO AND WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE OR HEAR FROM THEM, THEY FUKING POPOUT OF NOWHERE.

DO YOU EVER WONDER, MAYBE WE GIVE OURSELVES MIXED SIGNALS OR IF WE ARE RECEIVING THE WRONG SIGNS?


IT JUST DAWNED ON ME....THAT CERTAIN THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. I BUMPED INTO MY COUSIN ON THE BUS YESTERDAY AND SHE SAID SHE HAD WENT TO THE CEMETARY WHERE MY BROTHER IS AT....WHICH IS LIKE REALLY CLOSE TO HOME.....MAYBE THERE IS A REASON WHY I WAS BROUGHT AROUND THIS AREA.

BUT IS IT SO THAT I CAN VISIT THE CEMETARY MORE OFTEN, SINCE I ALWAYS MADE EXCUSES WHEN I LIVED FAR AWAY FROM IT, OR IS IT BECAUSE MY BROTHER WANTED TO BRING ME CLOSER TO HIM....I DON'T KNOW...IT SOUNDS WEIRD....BUT I AM VERY SKEPTICAL ABOUT THINGS AND BELIEVE IN MIRACLES AND SIGNS FROM OUT OF THE ORDINARY.



THERE IS THIS DREAM, THAT I KEEP HAVING....AND IN THAT DREAM HE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT SOME DAY I WILL KNOW THE TRUTH. LIKE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, WHAT IS THE TRUTH AND HOW WILL I KNOW IT? IF HE IS NOT HERE TO LET ME KNOW. I WONDER.

ARE DREAMS REALLY TELLING US THE TRUTH OR IS IT JUST TELLING US WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR OR SEE? WHEN GOING TO COLLEGE, ONE OF MY PROFESOR'S TOLD THE CLASS TO BECAREFUL WHAT WE WISH, FOR WISHFUL THINKING IS WRONG, BECAUSE WHAT WE WISH FOR IN THE BACK OF OUR MINDS, ALWAYS COMES OUT TRUE IN OUR DREAMS, BUT MAY NOT REALLY BE WHAT WE WANTED TO HAPPEN IN REALITY.

WHATS THE POINT? THE POINT IS IF YOU WISHED SOMEONE WAS DEAD BECAUSE YOU WERE UPSET WITH THEM, IN YOUR DREAMS, YOUR WISH WILL BE SATISFIED, BUT WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND FIND OUT THAT PERSON DIED. YOU WILL REGRET EVER WISHING THAT THOUGHT TO BEGIN WITH. GET THE POINT?

MY LIFE

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

I HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE IT AND APPRECIATE IT.

I HAVE LEARNED TO APPRECIATE THOSE THAT SURROUND ME WHETHER IT BE FROM CLOSE OR FROM AFFAR.

EACH DAY THAT I BREATHE I THANK GOD, FOR GIVING ME THE EXTRA TIME TO SHARE WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, ALL THAT I HAVE TO OFFER.

I LIKE LIVING EACH DAY AT A TIME, GIVING ALL THAT I CAN GIVE.

I ENJOY MAKING OTHERS HAPPY.

I VALUE LIFE AND TAKE IT AS IT IS GIVEN TO ME.

AROUND ME...NOTHING STAYS THE SAME...EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS CHANGING.

WHILE THINGS COME TO AN END, IN OTHER AREAS, THERE IS ALWAYS A BEGINNING.

I GUESS THATS WHERE THE PHRASE, WHEN YOU LOOSE, YOU GAIN, CAME FROM.

I LOVE LIFE, I LIVE IT, I LEARN IT AND I APPRECIATE IT.

From Myspace

• Jul 24, 2007

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWIN

  Current mood:happy

  I JUST ADMIRING THE MEMORIES OF THE TIMES WE USED TO CELEBRATE OUR BIRTHDAY'S TOGETHER.  THOSE WERE THEY USED TO DRESS US THE SAME COLORS AND WHEN WE HAD OUR OWN LIL CAKES...YOURS HAD BLUE FLOWERS AND MINE HAD PINK.

  AS WE GOT OLDER WE KEPT THE TRADITION....WE WORE THE SAME COLORS AND WORE THE SAME SNEAKERS...EXCEPT WE DID WHAT EVER WANTED THROUGH OUT THE DAY TOGETHER, THEN GO HOME....BUT THIS TIME TO ONE MEDIUM SIZED PINK AND BLUE FLOWER CAKE THAT HAD BOTH OUR NAMES ON IT.

  THATS WHEN WE BEGAN TO BE GREADY AND ASKED WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR OWN CAKES.  BUT THATS ALSO WHEN IT WENT FROM RECEIVING TOYS AS GIFTS TO RECEIVING MONEY.....AND THE NUMBERS GOT BIGGER AS WE GOT OLDER.

  THOSE WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS.  AS I CELEBRATE ON MY OWN.  I CARRY YOU EVERYWHERE I GO.  AS THEY GIVE ME I ALWAYS ASK WHERE IS YOUR HALF...LOL...BUT IT DOESN'T WORK.....EITHER WAY YOURS IS ALWAYS CELEBRATED IN MY HEART AND MIND.

  I SOMETIMES ASK MYSELF....WHAT WOULD WE BE DOING, IF YOU WERE STILL AROUND....WOULD WE BE CELEBRATING IT WEARING THE SAME COLORS AND SNEAKERS...WOULD WE STILL BE DOING WHATEVER WE WANTED TOGETHER AND THEN GO HOME TO RECEING ONE CAKE FROM MOM AND DAD AND OUR OWN CAKES FROM OUR NEW FAMILY MEMBERS....WHO KNOWS?

  EITHER WAY....I KNOW WE WOULD HAVE MADE THE EFFORT TO SEE EACH OTHER.  OH DAMN I WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK TODAY...BUT GUESS WHAT?  I TOOK THE DAY OFF....I'M GOING THROUGH TO VISIT YOU.....SEE YOU AT THE CEMETARY....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWIN!

Julie 101

JULIE'S THE NAME.

WORK IS IN MY NATURE.

FAMILY IS MY LIFE.

LOVE IS IN MY AIR.

AND MYSPACE IS MY GAME.

CALL ME AN ADDICT.

CALL ME A PHEAN.

ALL IN ALL IS ALL ABOUT ME.

DON'T HATE.

DON'T TRY TO IMITATE.

JUST GET OFF MY PLATE.

FOR THOSE FOOLS POP OFF....CAUSE I'M BRUSHING THESE SHOULDERS OFF.

RANDOM POETRY

SHE'S DROWING IN HER OWN WATER.

LIVING IN HER OWN MISERABLE WORLD.

THE DREAMS SHE HAS, SEEMS TO ALWAYS FALL APART.

SHE SEARCHES FOR THE PERFECT LOVE.

WITH HER DISTRUST FOR OTHERS AND DISLOYAL BEHAVIORS, THINGS NEVER SEEM TO WORK.

MAYBE SHE NEEDS TO SEARCH WITHIN HERSELF AND LOVE HERSELF FIRST, BEFORE SHE PUTS HERSELF OUT THERE FOR OTHERS.

SHE'S LIKE A NAKED WOLF HOWLING FOR ATTENTION.

IT'S A SPLIT PERSONALITY.  SHE BATTLES WITH HERSELF.

THE GOOD AND THE EVIL.  EVIL ALWAYS CONTROLLING HER EMOTIONS.

HER BETTER HALF SEEMS TO ALWAYS WONDER AWAY.

SHE TRY'S TO CONTROL HER DELLUSIONAL SENSE OF BEING.

SHE'S TRAPPED WITH THE FOUR CORNERS AND LAYERED SIDES.

IMPRISONED FOR THE CRIME SHE COMMITTED.

SHE BURRIES HERSELF BETWEEN THE SHEETS AND PILLOWS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW HER MISERY ALL BEGAN.

IF SHE ONLY NEW THE SORROWS OTHER'S ENDURE.

FOR HER BETTER HALF IS NO LONGER IN EXISTENCE.

SHE LIVES IN A WORLD OF HER OWN.

CREATING A SENSE OF REALITY.

FACING THE TRUTH OF HER WHEREABOUTS.

FOR SHE NEVER IMAGINED LIVING IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD.

[(ENJOY!) UNTIL NEXT.]

If and Because

If and Because

If it weren't for you, I'd be lost.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't know what to do.

If it weren't for you, I couldn't find an answer.

If it weren't for you, I'd still be depressed.

If it weren't for you, I couldn't go on.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have a friend.

Because of you, I've been found.

Because of you, I'm still here.

Because of you, I am able to do anything.

Because of you, I can find my answers and solutions.

Because of you, I am relieved of stress.

Because of you, I no longer feel depressed.

Because of you, I can go on.

Because of you, I have a friend.

Because of you, I am loved.

Because of you, I am me.

You love me and I love you.

Because of you, I have someone to look up to.

Because of me, this poem is made possible for you.

I have become to be me, because of you. Thatis why I appreciate you.

To my Doris, with all my heart!  Thank You for everything you have ever done for me.  I love you! My Dear Godmother!

LOST IN THE DARK

SHE'S ONLY 11 AND HER WORLD IS QUIKLY TURNING UPSIDE DOWN.

BELIEVING IT'S ALL A DREAM.  ONLY TO SEE SHE'S BOUND TO REALITY.

SEEKING TO FIND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF HER BEING.

KNOWING THAT THINGS ARE GOING ON, THAT ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

HER VOICE IS KEPT SILENT.

FEAR IS DEEPLY GROWING INSIDE OF HER.

DAYS GO BY AS SHE OPENS HER EYES TO REALITY.

THERE SHE STRUCK, SUICIDAL IDEATIONS.

SHE'S SURROUNDED BY CLUELESS PEOPLE NOT KNOWING WHAT'S GOING ON.

FINDING HERSELF IN A WORLD OF HER OWN LIVING IT ALL ALONE.

YEARS GO BY AND SHE'S LOST IN THE DARK.

14 YEARS OLD AND HER INNOCENCE RIPPED APART.

HER WORLD IS SLOWLY FALLING APART.

WHY DID IT ALL BEGIN? WHEN IS IT EVER GOING TO END?

SHE'S LOST CONTROL OF HERSELF, EMOTIONS HAVE TAKEN PART.

SHE'S COMPLETELY LOST IN THE DARK.

WHEN SHOULD CHILDREN BE CONSIDERED PEOPLE?

While in college, one of my college professors,once asked; when should a child be considered a person?

No one ever came up with a correct answer.  Because there isn't a correct answer.  We can only go by theory.  But in reality, I feel a child should be considered a person, the minute they are brought out of the womb.

Why?  Because from the moment a child is born, he/she comes out with great expression.  Some come out of the womb screaming their lungs away.  For what reason, who knows?  What in the world could they be feeling at that very moment they enter the world?  Could it be joy that they are finally out or could it be some type of discomfort because they have entered something new for them?

However once, they are in this world.  They know how to express themselves.  They're born with that capability.  If they're hungry.....they know how to ask for food.  If they are uncomfortable...they know how to let us know.

My son led me to realize something today.  He may be 2.10 years old and he may be my spoiled toddler, but he's human.  He is a person with feelings and knows how to express it well.

He came up to me today and said...."mommy pist means mad".....in my head...honestly, I was like what the fuck does he know?  So I aksed him why does he feel that pist is the same as mad? Mind you he is only 2.10 years old.  His answer was "because right now I am pist and I am mad"...lmao..I asked him why?  Why are you feeling that way? and he said "because my sister keeps bothering me"...."can you slap her?"  ummm no...but you can ask her to leave you alone.

That little conversation between him and I, made me think.  My little boy is not a baby anymore.  He is a person with feelings and knows how to express himself well.

So yea....I believe that if you want a child to grow up with dignity and respect.  You have to let them be who they are.  We are adults....we are people....but we must consider our children....little people.  After all, age is nothing but a number.

Imagining myself creating a new garden.

• Mar 1, 2008

  Imagining myself creating a new garden.

  Current mood:inspired

  I have a beautiful garden.

  I have an ugly garden, but I want to create a new garden.

  
  

  I have an empty lot.

  I have a lot of soil and a few new seeds.

  I find myself wanting to plant these seeds.

  
  

  I desire a different surrounding of life.

  A life with less stress and worries.

  A life where I can build a better future for thyself.

  
  

  I have a beautiful garden right now, but I want a bigger and better one.  One that is more convenient for me. I have to start by planting my first seed and moving away from the old garden.

This is also from my myspace days.

• Jul 23, 2008

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER

  Current mood:thoughtful

  Not for too that you have been gone.

  I celebrate that day we were born.

  Although you're gone, we celebrate together.

  For you are forever carried in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers.

  Gone in flesh, soul taken to heaven and alive in spirit.

  For the great memories are always kept.

  The ties that bind one in the flesh that still remains.

  Until her day is destined.

  Although I miss you, the fact that you are gone has been accepted .

  The rememberance of your smile and the happy times we spent together has all been embeded.

  The pain and suffering have all been clear.

  The memories are dear and near.

  Without a doubt you're never forgotten.

  I have learned to grow and learned to let go.

  Continued my life and learned to move on.

  Never forgetting the day we were born.

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER.!

Something to know

The first child protecttive agency began in New York was founded in 1874 titled Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (SPCC) in 1874. The SPCC was the first organization to focus on the legal protection of children's rights in the United States. It all began with Mary Ellen.   Who was one our first recognized abused child.  Mary Ellen was a survivor of child abuse who died at the age of 92.  

THE CHILD’S MIND WANDERS

You say that you love me.

You said you will always take care of me.

You tell them I am your pride and joy.

You say that you will do anything to give me the world.

Why won't you take me outside?

Why won't you let me have any friends?

Why am I not in school like all the other children.

Mommy I am hungry, why don't you give me something to eat?

Why do you continue to endure this pain on me?

What did I ever do to deserve the things that you do to me?

Why do you let him keep on hurting?

Why do you allow him to beat you?

Why must I pay for your mistakes?

I never asked to be born.

It was your blessing from up above.

Why didn't you thank him for the life that he has given you?

When I was born, you said you loved me and give me the world.

I always wonder where things went wrong.

I loved you with all my heart, and now we're far apart.

Now you sit there crying.

While I'm in here dying.

You say everything will be alright.....too late...I am losing my sight.

Mommy what's wrong? Are you crying because I am gone?

Inspired for the many that have gone.  Inspired by the many that ACS had failed.