I have lost many people in my life but losing my Mother has been the hardest to accept and the hardest to believe. There are moments when I feel like I am dreaming and will wake up from a nightmare. My mother was my everything...she was a Gemini...she could be my enemy but my best friend at the same time while growing up. Of course as children, you think you know it all so your parent becomes your enemy and as you get older you realize they were right from the beginning and they become that only person you can rely on. That was my Mom! I hold the fondest and best memories of her. I was one of those children who left home and always came back as if I was still attached to the cord. There was nothing or no one that would keep me away from my parents...our bond is tight! No matter how many times I moved out, I always moved back in. It was like I was the one who needed to keep them company and safe. We took care of each other until it was me and Dad taking care of her as she aged and her mind went another direction in other words the old age decease of Dementia and Paranoia. There was only so much that we could do to keep her stabilized for as long as we could.
On November 7th, 2016, she took a turn for the worst and had to be hospitalized. It was one of the most stressful years of my Dad's, Family and my life. I was going from a stressful job to the hospital and then home to take care of the kids and grand kids. How did I do it? How did survive? I can only say by the grace of God. Around December 21, 2016 we almost lost her and god gave us another 11 months with her. Mom was transferred from the hospital to a rehabilitation center in February 2017. Where she spent the rest of her remaining life in. Those 9 months she was in there were the most depressing and stressful times for my Family and I, especially my DAD! Watching him go through it made me go through it, however we all went through it.
There is one thing I never told my Dad and my siblings, when my mother was admitted to the rehabilitation, both my brother and I became her proxy's. During one of my visits I spoke with the team and gave them specific instructions that if something ever happened to my mother they are NOT to call my Dad or my Brother first as they would not be able to handle it. They were instructed to call only me as I will designate myself to be the bearer of bad news! That is how my Mom would have wanted it. Of course since I had prepared myself during the year she was not at home. I believe that my Mom attempted to prepare me and all for her departure...some of us saw it and some of didn't. I saw it and my brother Jr. saw through experiences and dreams. I asked God for a miracle everyday but also asked him to prepare me if he was taking her.
What I did not realize is that no matter how much you prepare yourself, no matter how much your loved one prepares you for their departure and God prepares you. You are never prepared. The pain is real. No one is ever prepared to loose a loved one. I know that we all will have our days but no one is ever prepared to loose a loved one!! I know God one day will prepare me for my departure. I know it will be the most painful day for my kids. I pray for them.
I know during her last days; my Mom prayed for us internally as she became non-verbal. We know that she loved us as she would cry and smile when she saw us. We loved her and I know she went knowing that she was loved and that she will be missed but we will remain strong and carry her legacy.
I am the strongest of us all because Mom made me that way. Mom thought me to be the Wonder Woman that I am and to keep my family together. Like my mother used to say "Dios es mi pastor, nada me faltara" (the Lord is my shepherd, I will not miss anything). RIP Mom!!
