Proud to be me

As a child you never know or never even bother to think of how you want your life to be.   You live life running free without a clue in mind.  Then you hit that certain age when you start to realize that you are growing and you think what do I wanna be.  But then you wanna be this and that! Now you' can't make up your mind! OK! so like yea when I was maybe like 15; I wanted to be a teacher.  But then I realized, the pay wasn't for me and certainly working with a whole bunch of disrespectful teens would put me in jail.  Nah son! By 17; I wanted to be a cop.  I believed I would be one of dique NY's finest! Passed the police exam, entered the academy and punked out after seeing a police officer get shot first day on the job.  Besides after certain incidents that occurred in my life with police involvement I began to dislike them and how could I become something that I dislike.  Shit teenagers can be so indecisive. Oh wait! I was one of those! LML.

So then there was a commercial I saw one day that went like this http://youtu.be/tDfsr1vvqy4 and then there was this acronym that Walton Ave knew; it was called something like BCW...oh wait...it was BCW.  So yeah that's what made me decide I wanted to do something in that field of Social Work!  So I decided to finish my last year of HS.

Then I tried getting into John Jay College and was accepted but unfortunately parents couldn't afford it and financial aid wasn't approved cause big daddy worked for the City! Shit! So I decided to just enjoy my youth until I figured out what to do.  But my determination never stopped...it was just put on pause.   So after enjoying my life and having my beautiful daughter, it was time to turn life back around and show my child that I could become who I wanted to be while still caring for her.  So I applied back to college, got approved for financial aid and went to College! So did my daughter cause she graduated from John Jay College pre-school.  Yea they have child care at the school.  We thought it was pretty cool that both were going to the same school.

So I finally got my B.S in Forensic Psychology in February of 2005 exactly a week after I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy! So yea like my parents say I earned two diploma's that year..LML!  Afterwards I took a couple of BS jobs cause there was a freeze on hiring CPS due to the death of Nixmary Brown.   But I patiently waited and here I am.  I remember when I got the phone call like it was yesterday.

I received the call at work.  My supervisor had picked up the phone and said "ACS is on the phone for you, wtf did you do?"  hahahaha! My response "applied for a CPS position".  Her eyes popped out her socket as well as got teary eyed cause she was happy and proud of me as she knew that this was what I have been yearning to do for a while.  And to them haters there that didn't believe that I would get in and would say ACS will never hire you.  I'm still here bitches and yea My salary is bigger than yours! (oops...)

I have been through so much experiences, trials and tribulations in my life.  And I can YELL AND SAY I AM A SURVIVOR! But I believe that everything in my life happened for a reason.  All that I experienced and encounter is what build my character and made me a stronger and more positive person.  I am grateful for all my experiences good and bad.  Everything is a lesson learned.  I may not be perfect but I am proud to be me.

I will be honest with myself and with others!

Omg it's been like a minute since I have put up a blog! Yea so like I live a busy life, so between, children, hubby, work and parents.  It get's kind of hard to keep up with myself.  Well my children are with my parents until Friday, just got out work and home alone. Like I just bullshitted myself cause I posted on FB that I was going to bed but I am here expressing myself.

So dejame desirle halgo porque aqui en FB y en mi trabajo, sometimes la jente no me entienden.  So let me explain.  I am a very happy and self motivated person.  YEA I do have conversations with myself pero no estoy loca! It's fuking normal, at least that's what my therapist says but sometimes I be feeling like that bitch ain't normal anyways.  But that's besides the point.

At work and on FB I tend express myself verbally etc.  Bueno en FB no es verbally cause that's the net unless you got one of em computer's that read shit aloud and what not.  But anyways there a lot of people that misunderstand me and always questioning me and shit or come up to me and be like "is everything okay cause I saw that FB status that you put up."  Por eso no pongo la cosas que bien vale la pena, ju know like my personal issues and shit.  I only put what I want people to see.  Pero it doesn't mean like am putting it for  attention cause I get enough of that at home and work.  Yea am just that spoiled! I gets love from everywhere.  I just post it to let it out cause I don't like holding feelings inside...like that shit is no bueno meng! It is very unhealthy.  Coming from my back ground, I learned that shit the hard way.  But at least now I am happy that I am open with my feelings to myself and possibly the world...but Ju know what...it's whatever meng; cause todo somos hurmanos y hermanos at that.

Yo but on the real, people be thinking that I am an angry person and although I can completely understand why some would think that, I most def am not.  I am a very happy person and all my real friends know that! I appreciate life, especially mine! Yea shit happens but pero la baina tiene que pasar because if not how are we supposed to learn about life.  Like just because I be posting my feelings don't mean am angry.  I know some be sounding like am angry but really I only post when I get annoyed by something or something ain't sitting right with me.  But in the end it be like whatever meng..YOLO! Ain't nobody perfect in this world, so I just take things as they come and be happy with it.  Life is TOO precious to be wasted on Anger and hatred.

But I ain't gonna front there are times when people and things do get mad.  But that shit be like mad temporary.  I can't stay mad for long...just ask my kids, my supervisor and 310's.  We (my 310's and Sup.) stay be arguing and cussing each other out but at the end of the day we all make up and are there for each other.  That's RNS! But we got a tight bond! As for my kids yea...they abuse me but it be aiight cause I will love them no matter what.  Depues que ellos crescan y hacen bien de su vida, they can abuse me...pero depues de los 20 ano's if they still here and still abusing me then am calling APS. Shit if they can be calling dique ACS for us disciplining why can't we call APS.  Oh shit my bad I went off topic there cause estaba pensando en caso que tengo.  But I'm gonna save that for another blog possibly.

But yea anyways.  Like I just wanna keep it real with migente cause you know ALL you 221 FB friends of mine...I actually know you and have communicated with you one way or another...aunque la mayoria son familia de sangre y adoptiva y los resto son co-workers and all my nikka's from Walton...cause I can't forget THEM! I want YAH to know I really really APPRECIATE everyone of you.  YOU all have been an impact in my life one way or another.  And I know I don't always call, email, text or FB everybody all the time.  Yah always in my thoughts and prayers!

To all my family members YAH know who yah be! I love all of you!
To all my Walton nikka's yah know who yah be...I appreciate our friendship and our family like behaviors. But some of yah Mofo's need to keep in touch cause shit work both ways! I be hitting yah up sometimes and yah nikka's don't be replying so sometimes Nikki Minaj come outta me and I be like eff em they know who I is!
To my 310's that are on my page...yah know who yah be.  I truly appreciate you all and am happy that we all have that wonderful family like relationship we have, even when we talk shit about each other...don't front yah know we do but that's what makes us tight! and I don't care what anybody say.  WE the best MOFO unit! (but that's my opinion) aunque las jente dicen que we the worst!
To all my adopted family members like Moma Doris, Sammy, Alexandra, Kenya etc...thank you for always being who you are.
To my other co-workers (CPS) yah know who yah be.  Thanks for being part of my journey and keeping in true and real.
To my Icequeen, Dr. Phil and Rose- what would I do without your constant guidance and advice.  And thanks for always KEEPING IT REAL WITH ME! and ALWAYS being there when I need yah! Especially my Dr. Phil! I truly appreciate yah and have mad love for yah!

And last but not least! To my very Special Friend Judy Torres....Thank you for being so true and always keeping it real! I truly value our friendship, day by day we learn that we have a lot in common and I believe there is a reason God made us friends.  And although we have only met twice, we have always been there virtually for each other, giving advise, uplifting each other's spirit, sharing information and showing lots of love since our MYSPACE DAYS! LOVE YOU!

With that said...everyone look in the mirror smile, give yourself a pat on the back, throw yourself a kiss and let yourself know that you are special and you are somebody to somebody out there! That's my motto and motivation!

Bueno migente...me fui...hasta next blog!