Parenting: There is no wrong or right way...

     Often times you hear people say things like "that's bad parenting" or "they are raising their children the wrong way" which only makes you think...well WTF is good parenting or what is the right way to parent.  The thing is, there is no wrong or right way.  There is just effective and ineffective ways of dealing with children. 

When children do things we don't agree with, they are not being bad.  They are just doing something we don't agree with.  The key to fixing that is letting them know and giving them consequences.  Communication is always the key to every solution.  People have to let their children know their expectations of them and what happens if they don't do what you expect of them.  You also have to let them know that things can't always be their way.  When they do something wrong, you have to explain why it's wrong as well as help them understand why it's wrong.  One must always take the time out to communicate with their children, so you can understand each other. 

Yes my children are not perfect but neither am I.  Everyday I learn something new about them and something about myself.  As well as they learn things about me and themselves.  Everyday I teach them new expectations and new consequences.  When things don't work out and they do things that I don't agree with, I don't hold it against them.  I just talk to them and let them know why and I try to find a more effective way of handling the situation. 

I found that getting angry and yelling does not work.  Behavior modification with good communication does work.  It's okay to let your child know that you are disappointed by their actions and they must be disciplined for it.  But never stop communicating with them.  Never give your children the silent treatment.  That's the worst thing a parent can do, cause they will shut down on you.  Never loose trust in your children, even if they do things that cause you not to trust them.  Always be open with your feelings and let them know how you feel as well as listen to what they have to say.  There is always a reason behind everything.  No matter how upset they get when you punish them and they begin to say things like "that's why I hate you".  Don't give in!  That's the worst thing you can do and that is where you make your mistake which only leads you to believe that you are a bad parent. 

I am not the perfect parent but I learn from trial and error.  What works for me, may not work for others and what works for others, may not work for me.  The key is to find what works for you and your children.  The worst thing to do is give up on yourself and consider yourself a bad parent or consider your children bad children.  That's straight societal thinking.  My views tend to be different from society.  But that is another blog.

My view for me and my children; we may not be perfect and we have our ups and downs.  But we never give up on each other and we manage to always work things out, especially through communication. 

Change is good!

Working in an agency that is fast paced and goes through many changes... one can only accustom and accept it.  I have learned a lot about myself within the past months.  Back in 2008 when we would go through changes I became afraid and anxious cause things were new to me.  As months gone by I learned that there are always gonna be changes.  Next to you know I began finding myself getting angry and frustrated cause it was like there was way too many changes in which some I did not agree with and still don't but hey whatever gets the job done.  So I learned to accept change for what it is and move on. 

Recently we have gone through several changes and I learned that the more changes we go through the more growth I develop.  I am now accepting of any change thrown our way.  Each day I learn something new about the agency, the people I work with and especially about myself.  Although I still don't agree with some of the changes that have been made.  I accept them cause I know there is always a reason behind the change.  Eventually things do work out for the better. 

I am grateful to be working in an agency that focuses in the safety of our City's children and on strenghtening our families.  I am also grateful for the great supporters and colleagues that I have who provide constant guidance and have helped to develop my skills and maturity in this agency.