Parenting: There is no wrong or right way...

     Often times you hear people say things like "that's bad parenting" or "they are raising their children the wrong way" which only makes you think...well WTF is good parenting or what is the right way to parent.  The thing is, there is no wrong or right way.  There is just effective and ineffective ways of dealing with children. 

When children do things we don't agree with, they are not being bad.  They are just doing something we don't agree with.  The key to fixing that is letting them know and giving them consequences.  Communication is always the key to every solution.  People have to let their children know their expectations of them and what happens if they don't do what you expect of them.  You also have to let them know that things can't always be their way.  When they do something wrong, you have to explain why it's wrong as well as help them understand why it's wrong.  One must always take the time out to communicate with their children, so you can understand each other. 

Yes my children are not perfect but neither am I.  Everyday I learn something new about them and something about myself.  As well as they learn things about me and themselves.  Everyday I teach them new expectations and new consequences.  When things don't work out and they do things that I don't agree with, I don't hold it against them.  I just talk to them and let them know why and I try to find a more effective way of handling the situation. 

I found that getting angry and yelling does not work.  Behavior modification with good communication does work.  It's okay to let your child know that you are disappointed by their actions and they must be disciplined for it.  But never stop communicating with them.  Never give your children the silent treatment.  That's the worst thing a parent can do, cause they will shut down on you.  Never loose trust in your children, even if they do things that cause you not to trust them.  Always be open with your feelings and let them know how you feel as well as listen to what they have to say.  There is always a reason behind everything.  No matter how upset they get when you punish them and they begin to say things like "that's why I hate you".  Don't give in!  That's the worst thing you can do and that is where you make your mistake which only leads you to believe that you are a bad parent. 

I am not the perfect parent but I learn from trial and error.  What works for me, may not work for others and what works for others, may not work for me.  The key is to find what works for you and your children.  The worst thing to do is give up on yourself and consider yourself a bad parent or consider your children bad children.  That's straight societal thinking.  My views tend to be different from society.  But that is another blog.

My view for me and my children; we may not be perfect and we have our ups and downs.  But we never give up on each other and we manage to always work things out, especially through communication.