My Societal Background

LOL...I see this picture and it looks like some type of bochinche going on.  But it fits for what I am about to express.

Race - Biological categorization (hair, eyes, skin, etc.) 
Ethnicity - Group of racially similar people of similar origin 
Culture - Shared values, ideals, beliefs of a group of people regardless of race and ethnicity
Cultural Identity - Chosen or adopted culture
Nationality - What is the nation they identify as their national origin

Working at where I work and doing what I do; I have learned a lot and I have come from being naive to accepting it all.  We are all born HUMANS.  So although I am "Nuyorican".  If yah don't know a "Nuyorican" is someone born in New York whose parents were born in Puerto Rico.  My roots as I researched and my parents have answered numerous times when asked derived from Puerto Rican, Irish, Italian, African American (my pops side) and Puerto Rican, Taino and Spaniard (my moms side).  Dayuuum! Am a Mutt! Lol.  But anyways I really dislike being asked the questions what are you? (in other words what race or nationality) I always gotta be sarcastic and say HUMAN; because I am of the human race.  Really that is not an appropriate question.  I could never ask a client that.  I asked them the correct terms; what's your nationality, culture and how do you identify yourself in race?  Actually what are you? like so deserve any type of answer, especially a sarcastic one. And can also be answered with another question such as what the eff do you mean?!

So let me break it down for you.  Race- My Skin color is what I like to say beige (tan), my eyes are brown and my hair is dyed.  In other words by societal standards I am disque "White".  Ethnicity-Hispanic/Latina and I use both because I am Hispanic because I come from a culture and place of origin that speak Spanish.  Latina because I am a Spanish female with Italian roots (Italy was once under the Roman Rule and this is where the term Latino comes from).  Culture- I identify myself with Puerto Rican American.  Why, because I share the values, ideals and beliefs of both. I celebrate Christmas cause I am American but I also celebrate 3 kings day cause I am Puerto Rican.  I put up the American flag during the 4th of July cause I am American and I throw up my Puerto Rican flag basically through out the year and attend the Puerto Rican day parade cause I be like pura boricua.  Cultural Identity- I chose to identify myself with what I am Puerto Rican Irish Italian Taino Spaniard African American American Nuyorican! JUST LIKE THAT! DAS IT! Nationality - at the end of the day I am an AMERICAN! GO OBAMA!!

There you have it! Hasta la proxima!

JUST MY THOUGHTS

LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES...YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

WHETHER IT IS GOOD OR BAD IS STILL A SURPRISE.

IT'S FUNNY HOW THINGS HAPPEN AND THINGS CHANGE.

IT'S FUNNY HOW WE SAY WERE GONNA DO SOMETHING BUT WE NEVER DO IT.

OR WE SAY THAT WE NOT GONNA DO SOMETHING BUT WE END UP DOING IT.

LIFE WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS....AND WE JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT AS IT COMES.

BUT I LOVE LIFE AND I LIVE MY LIFE...THE WAY AS IT GOES...I TAKE EACH DAY FOR GRANTED.

IF THATS THE WAY GOD WANTS ME TO BE....THAN THATS THE WAY I AM GOING TO BE.

IF HE WANTS ME TO MAKE PEACE...THAN THATS WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.....IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT...THAN ACT BLIND AND TURN THE OTHER WAY.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME.....THAN LOOK IN THE MIRROR CAUSE YOU MUST NOT LIKE YOURSELF.

IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE...YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.

I LOVE MYSELF....SO THERE FOR I LOVE YOU.

I was just thinking.

I was just think.....thinking about the memories I can't forget.  I remember them like it was yesterday.  All the times we used to share.  All the love and care.  The happy and the joyful times.  The times when we laughed and played, when we used to chase each other all day.  Even the times that we fought and then gave it a thought as to why were we fighting to begin with.  There was a lot that we shared.  We were there for each other through think and thin.  It all started out in the womb.  Yeah we shared that too.  Damn we even did things together in there.  We laughed, cried and played in there too. 

Damn we raced in there too...we raced to see who came out first.  Guess what, I won.  I beat you by sixteen minutes, thats what I was told.  From birth to childhood everything was understood.  It was when we became teens when everything began to change.  That is when everything seemed different and we began to slightly go our seperate ways.  But no matter what we still shared our love and care.  We had a special bond no one could take away.  For you were my brother and I was your sister.  As a matter of fact...we were TWINS...nothing could bring us apart...for you will always be in my heart.

To be continued

MEMORIES

I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS, WHEN WE USED TO PLAY HIDE N SEEK.  THOSE DAYS WE RAN AROUND THE HOUSE PLAYING COPS AND ROBBERS OR WAS IT DRUG DEALERS AND FIVE O.

IT DIDN'T MATTER, WE INVENTED OUR OWN GAMES. I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE "CHACHI THE GREATEST" AND I WAS "ANDRE THE GIANT".  YEAH A GIRL LIKE ME LOVED WATCHING WRESTLING.

OH AND THE DAYS MAMI AND DADDY WENT TO DO COMPRA AND WE TURNED OUR LIVING ROOM INTO A BASEBAL FIELD.  DAMN WE BROKE MAD FIGURAS.  BUT THATS AIIGHT...SHE GOT A WHOLE BUNCH NOW ANYWAYS. 

OH SNAP. I JUST REMEBERED HOW I WAS TALLER THAN YOU AS WE WERE KIDS AND DAMN YOU GREW TALLER THAN ME, BUT THAT WAS RIGHT BEFORE YOU PAST AWAY.  I MISS YOU.  BUT IT DOESN'T HURT ANYMORE. 

BUT DAMN IT HURT A LOT WHEN YOU LEFT THOUGH. BUT I LEARNED TO JUST LIVE EACH DAY WITH MEMORIES THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME. BESIDES YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT.  I CARRY YOU WITH ME IN MIND AND HEART. AND NO ONE WILL BREAK THAT APART.

BITTER SWEET MEMORIES

WHEN WE MET, WE WERE GREAT FRIENDS.

ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER AND SOON WE WERE LOVERS.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, HE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME. NEXT TO YOU KNOW, WE DID THE WEDDING THING.

WE WERE IN LOVE AND IT LASTED AWHILE.

THEN ONE DAY THINGS BEGAN TO CHANGE.

OUR LOVE WAS NEVER THE SAME.

HE DID IT TO ME AND I DID IT TO HIM.

ALL WAS FORGIVEN BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN.

WE'D THOUGH TO GIVE IT A SECOND CHANCE AND IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED.

I RECENTLY FOUND OUT HE DID IT AGAIN.

AND THIS TIME AROUND, THE MAN THAT I LOVED AND THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE HERE WITH ME FOREVER, WALKED OUT OF MY LIFE.

I LOVED HIM SO AND IT HURTS SO MUCH.

HE WAS ALWAYS GOOD TO ME, I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART, WHY DID THIS OTHER ONE HAD TO GO AND BREAK US APART?

THEY SAY I SHOULD GET OVER HIM, BUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND. THAT THE LOVE I HAD FOR HIM IS HARD TO WITHDRAW.

I WAS ADDICTED TO HIS LOVE AND TENDERNESS. I HAD A ROUTINE IN MY LIFE WITH HIM. 

NOW EACH DAY OF MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH BITTER SWEET MEMORIES.

I SPEND MY NIGHTS THINKING OF HIM AND WONDERING WHERE DID THINGS GO WRONG. FOR THE LOVE I HAD FOR HIM WAS ALWAYS STRONG.

I MISS HIM SO MUCH, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND MY GREAT DEPRESSION.

WHEN IT COMES TO THE BITTER SWEET MEMORIES, I FIND THAT CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP IS THE ONLY THING THAT I CAN DO.

I KNOW HE IS NOT COMING BACK.  SO SLOWLY BUT SURELY I WILL GET OVER HIM.

MY BABIES ARE THE ONES WHO KEEP ME SANE, ALTHOUGH I KNOW THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

THINKING OF MY LOST LOVE...

YOU WERE MY BROTHER...YOU WERE MY FRIEND.

IN MY HEART YOU WILL ALWAYS BE UNTIL THE END.

AFTER YOU LEFT...MY LIFE WENT ON...WITH SUCH SWEET SORROW OVER AND OVER UNTIL TOMORROW.

IT'S A CYCLE IN MY LIFE THAT IS NEVER ENDING FOR MY TURN IS STILL PENDING.

I WAIT PATIENTLY FOR MY LORD TO COME FOR ME...FOR YOU AND ME TOGETHER WE WILL ALWAYS BE.

I KEEP YOU WITH ME..EACH DAY AND NIGHT, EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY IS A REAL BIG FIGHT...BUT KNOWING THAT YOU'RE WITH ME MAKES EVERYTING ALRIGHT.

NEAR OR FAR APART...YOU WERE ALWAYS AND WILL REMAIN IN MY HEART.

DEEP THOUGHTS

I WAS BORED AND WAS THINKING, WHY DO THINGS ALWAYS GOT THE OPPOSITE WAY.

LIKE WHEN YOU ARE WAITING FOR A CAB AND THERE IS NEVER ONE AROUND AND WHEN YOU AIN'T TRYING TO TAKE ONE, THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO APPEAR OUT OF NO WHERE.

OR WHEN YOU IN A FREAKING RUSH...THE TRAIN TAKES FOREVER TO REACH YOUR STOP AND HAS MANY DELAYS BEFORE YOU REACH YOUR FINAL DESTINATION. 

AND WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN A RUSH TO GET HOME, CAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE F*&*(^ IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU GET THERE, YOU FREAKING GET THERE TOO FAST.

WHAT ABOUT THE DAYS WHEN YOU WAITING FOR THAT PERSON TO CALL AND THEY NEVER DO AND WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE OR HEAR FROM THEM, THEY FUKING POPOUT OF NOWHERE.

DO YOU EVER WONDER, MAYBE WE GIVE OURSELVES MIXED SIGNALS OR IF WE ARE RECEIVING THE WRONG SIGNS?


IT JUST DAWNED ON ME....THAT CERTAIN THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. I BUMPED INTO MY COUSIN ON THE BUS YESTERDAY AND SHE SAID SHE HAD WENT TO THE CEMETARY WHERE MY BROTHER IS AT....WHICH IS LIKE REALLY CLOSE TO HOME.....MAYBE THERE IS A REASON WHY I WAS BROUGHT AROUND THIS AREA.

BUT IS IT SO THAT I CAN VISIT THE CEMETARY MORE OFTEN, SINCE I ALWAYS MADE EXCUSES WHEN I LIVED FAR AWAY FROM IT, OR IS IT BECAUSE MY BROTHER WANTED TO BRING ME CLOSER TO HIM....I DON'T KNOW...IT SOUNDS WEIRD....BUT I AM VERY SKEPTICAL ABOUT THINGS AND BELIEVE IN MIRACLES AND SIGNS FROM OUT OF THE ORDINARY.



THERE IS THIS DREAM, THAT I KEEP HAVING....AND IN THAT DREAM HE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT SOME DAY I WILL KNOW THE TRUTH. LIKE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, WHAT IS THE TRUTH AND HOW WILL I KNOW IT? IF HE IS NOT HERE TO LET ME KNOW. I WONDER.

ARE DREAMS REALLY TELLING US THE TRUTH OR IS IT JUST TELLING US WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR OR SEE? WHEN GOING TO COLLEGE, ONE OF MY PROFESOR'S TOLD THE CLASS TO BECAREFUL WHAT WE WISH, FOR WISHFUL THINKING IS WRONG, BECAUSE WHAT WE WISH FOR IN THE BACK OF OUR MINDS, ALWAYS COMES OUT TRUE IN OUR DREAMS, BUT MAY NOT REALLY BE WHAT WE WANTED TO HAPPEN IN REALITY.

WHATS THE POINT? THE POINT IS IF YOU WISHED SOMEONE WAS DEAD BECAUSE YOU WERE UPSET WITH THEM, IN YOUR DREAMS, YOUR WISH WILL BE SATISFIED, BUT WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND FIND OUT THAT PERSON DIED. YOU WILL REGRET EVER WISHING THAT THOUGHT TO BEGIN WITH. GET THE POINT?

MY LIFE

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

I HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE IT AND APPRECIATE IT.

I HAVE LEARNED TO APPRECIATE THOSE THAT SURROUND ME WHETHER IT BE FROM CLOSE OR FROM AFFAR.

EACH DAY THAT I BREATHE I THANK GOD, FOR GIVING ME THE EXTRA TIME TO SHARE WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, ALL THAT I HAVE TO OFFER.

I LIKE LIVING EACH DAY AT A TIME, GIVING ALL THAT I CAN GIVE.

I ENJOY MAKING OTHERS HAPPY.

I VALUE LIFE AND TAKE IT AS IT IS GIVEN TO ME.

AROUND ME...NOTHING STAYS THE SAME...EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS CHANGING.

WHILE THINGS COME TO AN END, IN OTHER AREAS, THERE IS ALWAYS A BEGINNING.

I GUESS THATS WHERE THE PHRASE, WHEN YOU LOOSE, YOU GAIN, CAME FROM.

I LOVE LIFE, I LIVE IT, I LEARN IT AND I APPRECIATE IT.

From Myspace

• Jul 24, 2007

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWIN

  Current mood:happy

  I JUST ADMIRING THE MEMORIES OF THE TIMES WE USED TO CELEBRATE OUR BIRTHDAY'S TOGETHER.  THOSE WERE THEY USED TO DRESS US THE SAME COLORS AND WHEN WE HAD OUR OWN LIL CAKES...YOURS HAD BLUE FLOWERS AND MINE HAD PINK.

  AS WE GOT OLDER WE KEPT THE TRADITION....WE WORE THE SAME COLORS AND WORE THE SAME SNEAKERS...EXCEPT WE DID WHAT EVER WANTED THROUGH OUT THE DAY TOGETHER, THEN GO HOME....BUT THIS TIME TO ONE MEDIUM SIZED PINK AND BLUE FLOWER CAKE THAT HAD BOTH OUR NAMES ON IT.

  THATS WHEN WE BEGAN TO BE GREADY AND ASKED WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR OWN CAKES.  BUT THATS ALSO WHEN IT WENT FROM RECEIVING TOYS AS GIFTS TO RECEIVING MONEY.....AND THE NUMBERS GOT BIGGER AS WE GOT OLDER.

  THOSE WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS.  AS I CELEBRATE ON MY OWN.  I CARRY YOU EVERYWHERE I GO.  AS THEY GIVE ME I ALWAYS ASK WHERE IS YOUR HALF...LOL...BUT IT DOESN'T WORK.....EITHER WAY YOURS IS ALWAYS CELEBRATED IN MY HEART AND MIND.

  I SOMETIMES ASK MYSELF....WHAT WOULD WE BE DOING, IF YOU WERE STILL AROUND....WOULD WE BE CELEBRATING IT WEARING THE SAME COLORS AND SNEAKERS...WOULD WE STILL BE DOING WHATEVER WE WANTED TOGETHER AND THEN GO HOME TO RECEING ONE CAKE FROM MOM AND DAD AND OUR OWN CAKES FROM OUR NEW FAMILY MEMBERS....WHO KNOWS?

  EITHER WAY....I KNOW WE WOULD HAVE MADE THE EFFORT TO SEE EACH OTHER.  OH DAMN I WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK TODAY...BUT GUESS WHAT?  I TOOK THE DAY OFF....I'M GOING THROUGH TO VISIT YOU.....SEE YOU AT THE CEMETARY....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWIN!

Julie 101

JULIE'S THE NAME.

WORK IS IN MY NATURE.

FAMILY IS MY LIFE.

LOVE IS IN MY AIR.

AND MYSPACE IS MY GAME.

CALL ME AN ADDICT.

CALL ME A PHEAN.

ALL IN ALL IS ALL ABOUT ME.

DON'T HATE.

DON'T TRY TO IMITATE.

JUST GET OFF MY PLATE.

FOR THOSE FOOLS POP OFF....CAUSE I'M BRUSHING THESE SHOULDERS OFF.

RANDOM POETRY

SHE'S DROWING IN HER OWN WATER.

LIVING IN HER OWN MISERABLE WORLD.

THE DREAMS SHE HAS, SEEMS TO ALWAYS FALL APART.

SHE SEARCHES FOR THE PERFECT LOVE.

WITH HER DISTRUST FOR OTHERS AND DISLOYAL BEHAVIORS, THINGS NEVER SEEM TO WORK.

MAYBE SHE NEEDS TO SEARCH WITHIN HERSELF AND LOVE HERSELF FIRST, BEFORE SHE PUTS HERSELF OUT THERE FOR OTHERS.

SHE'S LIKE A NAKED WOLF HOWLING FOR ATTENTION.

IT'S A SPLIT PERSONALITY.  SHE BATTLES WITH HERSELF.

THE GOOD AND THE EVIL.  EVIL ALWAYS CONTROLLING HER EMOTIONS.

HER BETTER HALF SEEMS TO ALWAYS WONDER AWAY.

SHE TRY'S TO CONTROL HER DELLUSIONAL SENSE OF BEING.

SHE'S TRAPPED WITH THE FOUR CORNERS AND LAYERED SIDES.

IMPRISONED FOR THE CRIME SHE COMMITTED.

SHE BURRIES HERSELF BETWEEN THE SHEETS AND PILLOWS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW HER MISERY ALL BEGAN.

IF SHE ONLY NEW THE SORROWS OTHER'S ENDURE.

FOR HER BETTER HALF IS NO LONGER IN EXISTENCE.

SHE LIVES IN A WORLD OF HER OWN.

CREATING A SENSE OF REALITY.

FACING THE TRUTH OF HER WHEREABOUTS.

FOR SHE NEVER IMAGINED LIVING IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD.

[(ENJOY!) UNTIL NEXT.]

If and Because

If and Because

If it weren't for you, I'd be lost.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't know what to do.

If it weren't for you, I couldn't find an answer.

If it weren't for you, I'd still be depressed.

If it weren't for you, I couldn't go on.

If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have a friend.

Because of you, I've been found.

Because of you, I'm still here.

Because of you, I am able to do anything.

Because of you, I can find my answers and solutions.

Because of you, I am relieved of stress.

Because of you, I no longer feel depressed.

Because of you, I can go on.

Because of you, I have a friend.

Because of you, I am loved.

Because of you, I am me.

You love me and I love you.

Because of you, I have someone to look up to.

Because of me, this poem is made possible for you.

I have become to be me, because of you. Thatis why I appreciate you.

To my Doris, with all my heart!  Thank You for everything you have ever done for me.  I love you! My Dear Godmother!

LOST IN THE DARK

SHE'S ONLY 11 AND HER WORLD IS QUIKLY TURNING UPSIDE DOWN.

BELIEVING IT'S ALL A DREAM.  ONLY TO SEE SHE'S BOUND TO REALITY.

SEEKING TO FIND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF HER BEING.

KNOWING THAT THINGS ARE GOING ON, THAT ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

HER VOICE IS KEPT SILENT.

FEAR IS DEEPLY GROWING INSIDE OF HER.

DAYS GO BY AS SHE OPENS HER EYES TO REALITY.

THERE SHE STRUCK, SUICIDAL IDEATIONS.

SHE'S SURROUNDED BY CLUELESS PEOPLE NOT KNOWING WHAT'S GOING ON.

FINDING HERSELF IN A WORLD OF HER OWN LIVING IT ALL ALONE.

YEARS GO BY AND SHE'S LOST IN THE DARK.

14 YEARS OLD AND HER INNOCENCE RIPPED APART.

HER WORLD IS SLOWLY FALLING APART.

WHY DID IT ALL BEGIN? WHEN IS IT EVER GOING TO END?

SHE'S LOST CONTROL OF HERSELF, EMOTIONS HAVE TAKEN PART.

SHE'S COMPLETELY LOST IN THE DARK.

WHEN SHOULD CHILDREN BE CONSIDERED PEOPLE?

While in college, one of my college professors,once asked; when should a child be considered a person?

No one ever came up with a correct answer.  Because there isn't a correct answer.  We can only go by theory.  But in reality, I feel a child should be considered a person, the minute they are brought out of the womb.

Why?  Because from the moment a child is born, he/she comes out with great expression.  Some come out of the womb screaming their lungs away.  For what reason, who knows?  What in the world could they be feeling at that very moment they enter the world?  Could it be joy that they are finally out or could it be some type of discomfort because they have entered something new for them?

However once, they are in this world.  They know how to express themselves.  They're born with that capability.  If they're hungry.....they know how to ask for food.  If they are uncomfortable...they know how to let us know.

My son led me to realize something today.  He may be 2.10 years old and he may be my spoiled toddler, but he's human.  He is a person with feelings and knows how to express it well.

He came up to me today and said...."mommy pist means mad".....in my head...honestly, I was like what the fuck does he know?  So I aksed him why does he feel that pist is the same as mad? Mind you he is only 2.10 years old.  His answer was "because right now I am pist and I am mad"...lmao..I asked him why?  Why are you feeling that way? and he said "because my sister keeps bothering me"...."can you slap her?"  ummm no...but you can ask her to leave you alone.

That little conversation between him and I, made me think.  My little boy is not a baby anymore.  He is a person with feelings and knows how to express himself well.

So yea....I believe that if you want a child to grow up with dignity and respect.  You have to let them be who they are.  We are adults....we are people....but we must consider our children....little people.  After all, age is nothing but a number.

Imagining myself creating a new garden.

• Mar 1, 2008

  Imagining myself creating a new garden.

  Current mood:inspired

  I have a beautiful garden.

  I have an ugly garden, but I want to create a new garden.

  
  

  I have an empty lot.

  I have a lot of soil and a few new seeds.

  I find myself wanting to plant these seeds.

  
  

  I desire a different surrounding of life.

  A life with less stress and worries.

  A life where I can build a better future for thyself.

  
  

  I have a beautiful garden right now, but I want a bigger and better one.  One that is more convenient for me. I have to start by planting my first seed and moving away from the old garden.

This is also from my myspace days.

• Jul 23, 2008

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER

  Current mood:thoughtful

  Not for too that you have been gone.

  I celebrate that day we were born.

  Although you're gone, we celebrate together.

  For you are forever carried in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers.

  Gone in flesh, soul taken to heaven and alive in spirit.

  For the great memories are always kept.

  The ties that bind one in the flesh that still remains.

  Until her day is destined.

  Although I miss you, the fact that you are gone has been accepted .

  The rememberance of your smile and the happy times we spent together has all been embeded.

  The pain and suffering have all been clear.

  The memories are dear and near.

  Without a doubt you're never forgotten.

  I have learned to grow and learned to let go.

  Continued my life and learned to move on.

  Never forgetting the day we were born.

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER.!

Something to know

The first child protecttive agency began in New York was founded in 1874 titled Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (SPCC) in 1874. The SPCC was the first organization to focus on the legal protection of children's rights in the United States. It all began with Mary Ellen.   Who was one our first recognized abused child.  Mary Ellen was a survivor of child abuse who died at the age of 92.  

THE CHILD’S MIND WANDERS

You say that you love me.

You said you will always take care of me.

You tell them I am your pride and joy.

You say that you will do anything to give me the world.

Why won't you take me outside?

Why won't you let me have any friends?

Why am I not in school like all the other children.

Mommy I am hungry, why don't you give me something to eat?

Why do you continue to endure this pain on me?

What did I ever do to deserve the things that you do to me?

Why do you let him keep on hurting?

Why do you allow him to beat you?

Why must I pay for your mistakes?

I never asked to be born.

It was your blessing from up above.

Why didn't you thank him for the life that he has given you?

When I was born, you said you loved me and give me the world.

I always wonder where things went wrong.

I loved you with all my heart, and now we're far apart.

Now you sit there crying.

While I'm in here dying.

You say everything will be alright.....too late...I am losing my sight.

Mommy what's wrong? Are you crying because I am gone?

Inspired for the many that have gone.  Inspired by the many that ACS had failed. 

Random Thoughts

So really I blog because my brain is always thinking and if i post every thought on FB; people would think like I really have diarrhea of the mouth.  Porque ju know my brain be sometimes like on wild ADHD mode.

So like back in the days, I was like wild odee shy.  Like ask my family! LML  I would never talk and just sit in the corner and do me.  Like you had to pull teeth to get something out of me. (Moma Doris  knows).  Now am like the only Social Butterfly and very expressive.  I think I was a turtle trapped in it's shell that has been let out.  Sometimes I think that I be wild bugging with the shit that comes out my mouth.  I am like the happiest hyperlest kid right now. Yea Am Still a KID AT HEART!!  But I ain't gonna front; I still have my shy moments but that is only when I meet someone for the first time.  Although I don't find that when I go into the field.  I think it's because it's my gift.

Ok! so now, let me tell you what's on mind.  So everybody knows I am a CPS and very proud.  Although sometimes I bitch and moan about shit.  I love my job! Why?! Because it's me, it's what I always wanted to do.  Pero ya van cuatro ano's que yo estoy en la misma baina.   Like I am so good at what I do! And as the the days go by; I find myself getting better and better.  Back in 2008, I was a little lost but after going under many of my people's wings; I have developed a lot of skills and grown in the field to the point that work doesn't stress me anymore.  I have learned how to pace myself and maintain myself.  Pero avece la baina que la jente hacen does sometimes get to me; but I be learning to put my feelings aside and do what I gotta do.  I have learned to keep my focus on.   OMG! I am like so proud of myself right now cause I have matured so much since I have entered the agency.  And I must say although I worked over the summer, I maintained a low case load which was something I had difficulties doing when I first started.  But that was because I had no real training and learned everything on my own.   FYI My training supervisor sucked and I am not afraid to say it to her face; therefore I am not afraid to express it here.  (My bill of rights says that I am entitled to FREEDOM OF SPEECH).  And FYI I am not slandering that person because I didn't say her name but I am entitled to express my feelings.  Perate pero I sound like wild guilty right now; oh whatever meng it's truth anyways!

So I enjoyed my summer with my low caseload and ready to tackle the school year.  The reason I say it this way is because it's really during the school year when we get the most cases.  Summer is pretty slow and quiet.

OH! SO! I really feel that I am ready for my own Unit.  In other words, I am ready to be a Supervisor and been ready cause I got mad skills.  Like I really know all the hoopla and what not.  So I be having like the only balls.  So I go to my DD and ask her when can I have my own unit.  She says when I go back to school.  Like I got a Bachelor's in Forensic Psychology and 4 years CPS experience.  What more do they want?! Oh wait she told me.  They want me to have 30 credits towards my Master's in SW; pero y que es esa baina que it gotta be disque in SW.  Like what if I want to study something else?! Oh and on top of that disque que I gotta be a Supervisor Level I before I be promoted to a Supervisor Level II.  Y la baina es que they not even hiring Supervisor Level I's .  You rarely see people getting promoted or hired to SUP I because disque we (The Agency) don't have the money to hire people for Sup I's pero we got people in our own oficina with Master's and what not que are still CPS.

Pero; I don't know.  I don't know if they even tried applying for the position o es que they stuck where they at and what not because sometimes la gencia be with their baina and shit.  Sometimes their hoopla be making me wonder.  Pero yo me quedo con lo mio.  Because at the end of the day I appreciate my job and I love what I do.  But I am definitely going to get my 30 credits and work towards getting my Unit until I become the next Commissioner of NYCCS.   Cause you know that's still my goal.

Oh yea So, back when I first started I was like lost and had no one to assist me and guide me being that my supervisor sucked; so I was forced to learn on my own.  So like 3 years ago I met a trainee and taught her some of the ropes and what not.  Once in a while I check in on her, when of course I am not very busy.  And she seems to be surviving cause she still here.  Anyways that's when it dawned on me that my agency should have like a mentoring program with us who been there long enough can mentor new workers and guide them and show them the ropes.

But a lot of them (other Cps) don't agree.  They feel like it's not our job and we don't get paid for that.  But as far as I can remember no one gets paid to be a mentor that's some volunteer shit.  Diablo pero avese I cuss too much...yo tengo que trabajar en eso.  Anyways so I am going to take initiative to start a mentoring program for new trainees...well more like I already did cause I have two mentees.  It makes me happy that I can help people out; especially out of my own free will and that they appreciate it.  I don't want no one to ever have to feel the way I felt when I first started.

There are some people that might feel some type of way about this blog as they feel some type of way because I hang with my Deputies (cause there are 3 that I roll with) and CPM's and I give my personal cell out to them because we not only colleagues but we're also semi friends! I just want to tell them IDGAF how you feel about how I feel cause this me and this is who I am always gonna be! And to those (colleagues=business) who always telling me that they disque don't mix business with pleasure. Then why yah on my facebook =(pleasure) and shit and why yah be texting=(pleasure)  me on my personal cell?! #JUST SAYING!

Anyways migente....hasta la proxima!  Thanks for reading!