What do I see

"Where do I look, where do I start, how do I look into my heart?" (Judy Torres)...Looking in the mirror and what do I see?  I see someone who is a 100% naturally ME!  The name is Julie but I like to be called Butterfly.  Today was one of them days I chose to look at myself; I like to do that once in awhile cause I like to always know where I stand and define who I am.  I am the type of person that tends to self analyze, self reflect and self diagnose.  Yea I got a degree in psychology.  Oops! did I say that out loud? Anyways!

There are certain things I learned about myself. Things I need to work on and things I don't.  "I wouldn't want to be anybody else". (Selena Gomez) So I learned that I really like who I am! I have a great personality!  After all that I endured in my life; I love the person I have come to be.  I am very expressive and always speak whats on my mind.  I find myself to be very talented in many ways and often like to share my talents.

Sometimes I tend to talk first and think later but then realize I was right anyway.  I tend to always turn a negative into a positive.  I am the type of person that doesn't look back but keeps moving forward.  No one is perfect that is why I always learn from my mistakes.  These are the things we call life's lessons learned.  I am never afraid of who I am.

I am very optimistic and like to think outside the box.  I like to joke around.  I often find myself blurting out at work, "how can I think outside the box if I work in a cubicle!".  Sometimes you can't take this job too serious; otherwise you will loose it.  Only another CPS will understand what I mean.

Sometimes I strive to be the perfect person, friend, family member etc.  But I accept my imperfections.  If not than who would I be.  I am happy most when I make someone else happy. I like to loose myself in my thoughts and let it all out when the time is right...just like now.

I enjoy living life and never scared to try anything new.  I am very enthusiastic and always eager to learn new things. I am innovative, creative and a woman all my own.

I am proud of the person that I am and this is what I see!

Hope you enjoyed! Until the next one!  :-)

Butterfly

It's whatever Meng!

My Name is Julie Rodriguez; prefer to be called Butterfly.  So what if I ain't got wings and don't fly! That's just what I like to be called...RESPECT that shit!  I am the type of person that likes to speak freely and share what's on my mind.  Some say I can be very expressive.  Oh well that's just who I be.  Sometimes it can get me into trouble but oh well It's whatever Meng!  As long as I let out what I was feeling at the moment and it no longer bothers me.  It's whatever Meng!

I am the type of person that loves freely.  But if you ain't got no love for me, then it's whatever Meng! Keep it moving.  I am the type of person that likes to be surrounded by love ones.  But if you choose to not stick around,  then it's whatever Meng!  I am the type of person that likes to make friends.  I like to keep it a 100% with all my friends. But if you fuggazi,  then it's whatever Meng! Keep it moving.  I am the type of person that thinks freely and likes to express my opinions.  If you have a problem with it than why ask; it's whatever Meng!

I am hyper but know how to tame myself when needed but then afterwards it be like whatever Meng!  I am a hard worker and my job can stress me out sometimes but at the end of the day and end of the week it be like whatever Meng!

Alright Yah probably tired of this blog...so gonna end it and work on the next one cause it's whatever Meng!

Love your Favorite New Celebrity Butterfly!

I got a college degree....umm and?

I have a Degree in Forensic Psychology.  But does that make me better than the next person? NO!
One of my pet peeves is to hear others use their degree or degree status to put another person thru the slumps.  Like really... just cause you got a Bachelors or Masters degree in whatever does not make you a better person than that person that has no degree at all.  That person with no degree  may be able to do a better job than you and probably me.  Having a degree does not always make a person smart...it just gives them a title with a value! Can you honestly sit there and say that what you do is based on your degree?  Can you sit there and say I have a degree that is being put to use.  Well I can, cause without mine I would not have the position that I have now.  Okay so I may not be a psychologist.  But I sure use what I learned in my psychology classes to deal with my clients, myself and most often my colleagues, cause if I didn't; I'd go nuts!!

I have met people with a higher status degree than the one that I have and still don't have a job.  I have seen people with no degree at all get better jobs than one with a PH.D.  Being Educated is not about having a degree as well as having a degree is not about being Educated. It bugs me when I hear someone say "I'm educated cause I have a degree and I went to college." Just want to tell them STFU who cares!   Ok you have a "degree" but do you have class?  Just cause a person has a degree does not make them a better person and does not give them the right to pass judgement on others.  Every time I hear a person say "they don't have a degree and I got a degree in this or that" and also hearing one say "OMG...so and so got a degree in this or that and they not doing nothing with themselves".  Makes me want to yell "so what WTF are you?  Just cause one has a degree does not make them SPECIAL!

The funny shit is I was walking the other day and saw a druggie telling a teen she was better than them and was well educated because she got a masters.   Umm Soooo why you ain't got a job and why you using drugs?  At least the teen was smart enough and had the class to walk away and ignore.  Must say I was proud of that teen for just walking away and not even passing judgement.  It goes to show that a degree don't really mean much unless you put it to use. I have put mine to use by getting the job I wanted and a position that required it.  What have you done with yours?

FYI: This is not a personal attack on anyone and no pun intended on anyone.  Expressing myself is what I do public or private!

You are my Sunshine!

Sweet sixteen years since you've been gone. It was hard the first five until I realized you body is resting in peace and your soul has gone to it's destination. Memories and photos are all that were left of you. Not a day goes by that your name is left unspoken. I no longer cry when this day comes by. For knowing that you are in a better place takes the pain away. There are times when I can feel you near me and guiding my every move helping god look over me. I often wonder how would life be if you were here right now. Would you still be called chachisunshine? Would you still be walking like Thomas Jefferson and imitating hulk holgan? Wondering if you'd still live in the hood and how many children would you have had? I look at my children and in some parts of them there is a piece of chachi; behavior wise and all. I know that I am never alone. I know that you and god are always walking with me, especially when I am out in the field. I know that you would have been proud of me for I have made my dreams come true. And will continue to fight and pursue to where I want to be. I embrace the memories and carry you in my heart cause no matter where you are we are never apart. You are my light, you are my Angel, You are my Sunshine! Happy Sweet sixteen in heaven!

Assorted Feelings!!

Yep,,,today was one of them days.  Started of yellow because that is how all my days begin.  I am always happy to be alive and well.  I love life and the people who are part of my life that includes all the City children on my case load.  So by noon I was green...I have way too damn much on my plate and it seems like no matter how much I express that I am stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, overworked and under paid.  No one really cares!!  All they want to hear is that I submitted something or closed something out.  Like SMH! really! And than on top of that I was not feeling well...felt nauseated and blah.  My high spirits just went down.

Like am no damn SUPER CPS!! I am human!! There are times when I get tired and there times when I will fail but it does not keep me from moving forward, learning more and succeeding in other areas.  Why is that the first thing that comes out of some peoples mouths is "what's up with them numbers?"  Well am no math magician.  But this is how it goes,  I close one or two cases out and guess what?  I get two or four more in return.  It' called a cycle!! Numbers go up and down!! But at least I am doing my job and trying my best to maintain my case load as well as my sanity!

So yea by the end day of the am pretty much RED because someone has risen my blood pressure with their madness.  So of course am bloggin it cause I need to release it cause I hate to go to bed angry and annoyed.  But there is something I want to say to that person.  I forgive you! I forgive you because I know that you mean well.  I forgive you because I appreciate you even when you make my blood pressure rise and smother me.

And with that I end this...peace out...your favorite New Celebrity Butterfly!

What it is for me as a CPS!

Job Description

Child Protective Specialists respond directly to reports of child abuse and/or neglect.  Using investigatory and social work skills, they partner with families and community resources to ensure the safety and well-being of children throughout New York City.

Typical Duties

• Complete field visits to investigate allegations of abuse and/or neglect.
• Interview family members and a broad range of contacts to assess child safety.
• Assess the risk of future abuse or neglect of children in the household.
• Coordinate a team of family members, staff and service providers to evaluate safety and identify interventions that can reduce risks for children.
• Remove child(ren) into protective custody or foster care, when appropriate.
• Enter and maintain accurate and timely computerized records of all case information.
• Help families navigate government agencies and access entitlement benefits.
• File petitions and testify in family court and other legal proceedings.

Ok so I gave you the Job Description and "Typical Duties".  That's just a small picture of what we really do.  

Here is how a typical day is for me, wake up at 6:30 am, so that I can get my own kids up to get them ready for school which includes making them breakfast and assuring that they get to school on time and daily.  Get myself ready for a days work and make sure I eat breakfast because if I don't take care of myself how can I take care of my children and the children on my case loads.  Ok so in training they told us to "plan ahead".  Ok so am going to go in update some notes and than make follow up visits on so and so and so.   Guess what?? That really does not work....no matter how much you plan ahead, nothing ever works as planned.  So I  get to work at 9:00 am or 10:00 am depending on the day and how long it took me to get in.  Good morning,  "you have a safety coming up, you have a IC coming up, you have a FASP overdue, you have to open up that FSI to an FSS and send that 2921 in."  Oh yea, umm don't forget you have to get an MH, DIR, DV or medical consult.  Ring ring...children services.  "I need you to complete that over due FASP and when you done submit that safety on so and so."  "Julie you have a pending!"  "call the source."  Umm what time is it now?  Lunch time! 

1:00 PM back to work.  Let me call this source again.  Oh damn 15 messages.  That's 15 calls I have to return while I update these 3 to 4 cases.  "Julie when are you leaving for that pending?, but before you leave I need that safety, oh and that IC on _____." Oh so now it's 5:30 and I have a pending to go to plus those 5 other follow up visits that I have already scheduled.  It's 10:00 PM "do you know where your children are at?"  Yea home sleeping or awake waiting to at least get that kiss good night, being watched by my BFF who cares enough to become the babysitter after he gets home from work because my hubby has to go to work while am en route home from my final visit.  So thats a typical day without the chaos.

A recent development (tragedy) occurred that just has me with my mind blown shattered.  And I know a lot of people know what am talking about cause it's only been all over the news and news papers and being repeated as if people did not get it the first time!  Two of our colleagues have been charged with CRIMINAL NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE FOR A CRIME THEY DID NOT COMMIT! 

Like WTF!!! So you mean that I can bust my butt all day and if something goes wrong, Am going to have some type of charge??  SMH! This is absurd....enough is enough!!  That's just plain abuse against us!  People are quick to judge and make comments about the agency and US CPS WORKERS, without knowing the amount of work that we have to do in a given day.  Work is supposed to be eight hours a day.  Sometimes I find myself working 12 plus and lets not forget if we have a removal that's an extra 5 to 8 hours we are working to go home take a cat nap, shower and get back to work and have to go to court and a whole bunch of other things we have to do on that same case; along with the other cases we have in our case load.  

I can not sit here and say damn they muffed up which I know that is what may be going through some peoples heads because they don't understand what we go through.  But I can sit here and pray for my colleagues and empathize with them and suffer with them.  To put our lives at risk with no protection other than the one we have from the Lord above and be ridiculed to charges for a crime we did not commit, is just plain inhumane.  

We are the front line.  We are the ones putting ourselves to the unknown. We get a case, we go out there in prayer that everything is fine with this family and that nothing happens to us so that we can continue to do what we love/like or appreciate doing.  For many it may be just a job, but for some of us it's a career or something that we want and love to do.  Whatever it may be, the point is we do it, because we want to.  

Am disappointed on how people minimize the work that we do and the amount of cases that we have.  "Typical procedures"....that's a pretty picture when you look at it.  But they left out the bigger picture!!  You know the one that says initial visits, mandates, follow ups, collateral contacts, source contacts, child safety conferences, meetings, phone calls, removals, referrals, consultations, field activity, court activity, placements...etc.  

Let's not forget the types of cases that we get.  Let's not forget the families, we don't just deal with your average Bill Cosby family! We don't just deal with your average family of four.  There are times when I had to interview a family of 9 with no assistance because everyone had their own work to do....oh how could I forget the mandatory 1-11's....that's  99 questions. That will take me 2 days to type! And we are not supposed to spend more than 30 minutes to an hour in a clients home....now how do you really expect me to do a thorough assessment in less than an hour.  9 times 1-11's, that's like 3 hours in that clients house, because I have to interview them separately.  And that is if they are not hostile cause if I knock and they are hostile, I got to think about my safety first...and than I have to try to calm them and engage them, that's another 15 to 20 minutes.

Oh and I can't forget, we don't work in the safest neighborhoods.  We don't work in the country side.  To call us GHETTO AND INCOMPETENT"!!! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU WALK IN OUR SHOES!! Have you ever had to remove a crying child from their parents?  Have you ever had to walk by a crime scene that had nothing to do with you or your case?  Have you ever had someone curse you out because a case was called in on them?  Have you ever had a door slammed to your face? Have you ever walked alone at night after conducting mandated visits praying that you get home to your own children??? WHO are YOU to JUDGE?

"Commissioner John Mattingly said on Thursday that ACS workers have an average of 10 families per worker - a lighter load than their counterparts in other cities."  Surely you can't be serious!! Are those numbers correct?? I must be super CPS if I make it to that number.  When we will reality strike that we have way too damn much work for us to do on a damn given day?? When will reality strike that all these damn budget cuts are taking away services that we can be providing our families??  When will reality strike that we are over worked and underpaid??

I'm just saying!!

 I may not be the perfect CPS I want to be but at least I try my best! and do the best that I can do to assure that children on my case load are safe.  Let our people go!!! How can you charge them for a murder they did not commit.  I don't know what happened there but I do believe that they have already paid the price by being laid off.  To be put in jail and charge with a crime.  IT'S JUST PLAIN INHUMANE AND RIDICULOUS!!! WHAT ABOUT OUR SAFETY? WE ASKED TO HAVE THE  BILL A4525...MAKING IT A FELONY TO ASSAULT ANY SOCIAL SERVICE EMPLOYEE IN NEW YORK STATE AND WE HAVE NOT RECEIVED THAT BUT YET YOU WANT TO CHARGE US WITH NEGLIGENT HOMICIDES FOR CRIMES WE DO NOT COMMIT!!!!

2010 Has been a GOOD and BAD year for me....

OK So January started off with a bang because I spent it with my parents and my mom had gotten better!  February is my sons and my BF/adopted sister's birthdays. The two most exciting days and not too much happened except for my former supervisor starting to get on my last FREAKING NERVES!!  February was also a month that caught the best of me.  I received a crazy but fun case of the year.  Can't discuss details because I don't like violating confidentiality.  But anyways this case had me feeling like I was at an unnecessary scene of Law and Order...but I did what I had to do regardless of the BS and DRAMA!! LMAO! (insider with Moma BC).  This is also when I got to really meet the Assistant Commissioner at the office.  I call her Moma BC....she is leaving us....so yea like am really going to miss her! She moving on to bigger and better things.  Oh wait....back to me!! And I also managed to get to know two of the most wonderful deputies and my Lissy Starr.    So moving on to March....this is the month where my first born was delivered via c-section 13 years ago!!  So we had plans to celebrate but she did not want to because she is not a kid anymore. So dinner and a movie it was.  I do not even want to think about the expense I am in for on the sweet sixteen.

So March became a bad month for me after my princess's b'day.  That's when I was hit with a BAM!! I got my FIRST and prayerfully my LAST fatality case.  Yea I have been traumatized ever since!  Anyways, thank god it was not what I thought it was....enough said.  R.I.P babygirl. But I gotta say that aside the fact that I was depressed over this traumatizing events in which I chose to deal with on my own cause I don't like anyone in my business.  This case has made me a more focused and stronger person.  I learned a whole lot from this plus I had my Lissy Starr to vent to when needed.  She the BEST!  Not only did I have that fatality but Grandma Leo ended up in the hospital.  And thanks to Moma BC I was able to focus both on my work and my grandma.  I don't know what am gonna do when Moma BC leave.

So April came and was hearing good news at the beginning and than BANG! Grandma left to be with Jesus.  RIP Grandma...MISS YOU! Glad to have gotten the opportunity to be by your bedside while you were at the hospital.  And thank you for letting me know that you were proud of me and that you loved me before you left.  And thanks for the SMILE.  I will forever hold that memory!  Oh but guess what?! April was also a good month.  I was finally moved from my HELL of a UNIT!!  Well let me take that back.....the unit was not hell.  But my former supervisor put me through soooooooo much HELL....that's the way I felt.  So I was found a new temporary foster cubicle that I am dying to get out of.  I can not find any supervisor that is as compatible as I am.  Oh wait I think I might have one...her name is Parker.  Oh and McCrae too bad she training unit now...cause I believe that is like met my best Match.  Anyways so I was told that I am stuck!! for a while because...am not even gonna go there....BUT I will say that I will prove to my lovely Corinne that I will meet her expectations!

So May came and I began to focus and notice a change in me.  I was less stressed and able to work cause I had a new cubicle and did not have to deal with that stress-or, I have had for the previous two years.  I loved my job even more and began to feel like I was finally being heard!!

June...my mommy's birth month.  So we celebrated at her home.  And it was also my dear friend Judy Torres birthday...so I hit her up on myspace, facebook and KTU...LOL! And it was also Moma Doris bday...so shouted her out on FB and blew up her work and personal emails...am just that cool.

So than JULY came....my birth month and the month when I lost my twin but gained an ANGEL! So July 7th he made 15 years in heaven and than I freaking turn 35! OMG!!! Am getting old!! Oh yea...I also made 9 years with my boo boo's daddy! jejeje....And the most magnificent thing happened.  My BFF/second pops and moms/uncle/aunt/brother and sister(oh F it...he my everything cause sometimes he can be my son...LOL) Samuel Soto dared me to get on an airplane with my children and go with him to Puerto Rico!!! My first answer to him was "OH HEEEELLLLLL NOOO, I AIN'T GETTING ON NO FUCKING AIRPLANE"....IS YOU CRAZY!!!.  And than after him bothering for a couple of weeks.  I gave in!! and had the BEST time of my LIFE....and till this day I still get chills...I got on an AIRPLANE! I wanna go again!!! I want to go to SANTO DOMINGO!!!

Okay So September came and children are back in school,  freaking cases began flying in...the beginning of fall stress...LOL.

So it's October and my boo boo began school!! He is in Kindergarten and he loves and hates it....LOL typical child of mine! Oh and yea...I freaking moved out LA CASA DE DRAMA Y BOCHINCHE!! LMAO!!!  BFF did me a house warming! I so freaking love that guy.  I felt so welcomed in my new home.  So this was also my Lissy Starr's birth month.  So I blew up her text, email and FB PM...LOL.  And this was my sis and daddy's birth month, so we cut them a cake at the house warming too and I gave my daddy a cell phone for his bday and mom cursed me out cause she old fashioned and pops is slightly not...LMAO...gotta love that little woman.

And November came and I QUIT SMOKING for good!!!!  and Thanksgiving was great, we did it in my house and I was so happy that my mommy came!! So we got dunk and shit and I still made it to work the next day cause the Commissioner did not give us the day off and he never does....that freaking sucks!

and we are in December...I lost a friend who was more like an uncle....RIP Don Tomas!  And my honey gave me an Xbox....he drive me crazy sometimes but I gotta love that man, because he took in me and my daughter....not a lot of men get involved with women who already has a child.  and not every man can put up with my bitchassness...LOL.  And I also got paid and went broke on Christmas gifts and BILLS...blah!   OMG and my unit went on vacation but me...and I had the craziest week this week.....I thought I was going to loose some of the little marbles I have left....LMAO but My Lissy Starr came to my rescue and we bonded for the past three days at lunch time.  I love that chic!  She is such a sweetheart.

Oh and last but not least, I learned that I am the strongest and strangest person I have ever met!