I will be honest with myself and with others!

Omg it's been like a minute since I have put up a blog! Yea so like I live a busy life, so between, children, hubby, work and parents.  It get's kind of hard to keep up with myself.  Well my children are with my parents until Friday, just got out work and home alone. Like I just bullshitted myself cause I posted on FB that I was going to bed but I am here expressing myself.

So dejame desirle halgo porque aqui en FB y en mi trabajo, sometimes la jente no me entienden.  So let me explain.  I am a very happy and self motivated person.  YEA I do have conversations with myself pero no estoy loca! It's fuking normal, at least that's what my therapist says but sometimes I be feeling like that bitch ain't normal anyways.  But that's besides the point.

At work and on FB I tend express myself verbally etc.  Bueno en FB no es verbally cause that's the net unless you got one of em computer's that read shit aloud and what not.  But anyways there a lot of people that misunderstand me and always questioning me and shit or come up to me and be like "is everything okay cause I saw that FB status that you put up."  Por eso no pongo la cosas que bien vale la pena, ju know like my personal issues and shit.  I only put what I want people to see.  Pero it doesn't mean like am putting it for  attention cause I get enough of that at home and work.  Yea am just that spoiled! I gets love from everywhere.  I just post it to let it out cause I don't like holding feelings inside...like that shit is no bueno meng! It is very unhealthy.  Coming from my back ground, I learned that shit the hard way.  But at least now I am happy that I am open with my feelings to myself and possibly the world...but Ju know what...it's whatever meng; cause todo somos hurmanos y hermanos at that.

Yo but on the real, people be thinking that I am an angry person and although I can completely understand why some would think that, I most def am not.  I am a very happy person and all my real friends know that! I appreciate life, especially mine! Yea shit happens but pero la baina tiene que pasar because if not how are we supposed to learn about life.  Like just because I be posting my feelings don't mean am angry.  I know some be sounding like am angry but really I only post when I get annoyed by something or something ain't sitting right with me.  But in the end it be like whatever meng..YOLO! Ain't nobody perfect in this world, so I just take things as they come and be happy with it.  Life is TOO precious to be wasted on Anger and hatred.

But I ain't gonna front there are times when people and things do get mad.  But that shit be like mad temporary.  I can't stay mad for long...just ask my kids, my supervisor and 310's.  We (my 310's and Sup.) stay be arguing and cussing each other out but at the end of the day we all make up and are there for each other.  That's RNS! But we got a tight bond! As for my kids yea...they abuse me but it be aiight cause I will love them no matter what.  Depues que ellos crescan y hacen bien de su vida, they can abuse me...pero depues de los 20 ano's if they still here and still abusing me then am calling APS. Shit if they can be calling dique ACS for us disciplining why can't we call APS.  Oh shit my bad I went off topic there cause estaba pensando en caso que tengo.  But I'm gonna save that for another blog possibly.

But yea anyways.  Like I just wanna keep it real with migente cause you know ALL you 221 FB friends of mine...I actually know you and have communicated with you one way or another...aunque la mayoria son familia de sangre y adoptiva y los resto son co-workers and all my nikka's from Walton...cause I can't forget THEM! I want YAH to know I really really APPRECIATE everyone of you.  YOU all have been an impact in my life one way or another.  And I know I don't always call, email, text or FB everybody all the time.  Yah always in my thoughts and prayers!

To all my family members YAH know who yah be! I love all of you!
To all my Walton nikka's yah know who yah be...I appreciate our friendship and our family like behaviors. But some of yah Mofo's need to keep in touch cause shit work both ways! I be hitting yah up sometimes and yah nikka's don't be replying so sometimes Nikki Minaj come outta me and I be like eff em they know who I is!
To my 310's that are on my page...yah know who yah be.  I truly appreciate you all and am happy that we all have that wonderful family like relationship we have, even when we talk shit about each other...don't front yah know we do but that's what makes us tight! and I don't care what anybody say.  WE the best MOFO unit! (but that's my opinion) aunque las jente dicen que we the worst!
To all my adopted family members like Moma Doris, Sammy, Alexandra, Kenya etc...thank you for always being who you are.
To my other co-workers (CPS) yah know who yah be.  Thanks for being part of my journey and keeping in true and real.
To my Icequeen, Dr. Phil and Rose- what would I do without your constant guidance and advice.  And thanks for always KEEPING IT REAL WITH ME! and ALWAYS being there when I need yah! Especially my Dr. Phil! I truly appreciate yah and have mad love for yah!

And last but not least! To my very Special Friend Judy Torres....Thank you for being so true and always keeping it real! I truly value our friendship, day by day we learn that we have a lot in common and I believe there is a reason God made us friends.  And although we have only met twice, we have always been there virtually for each other, giving advise, uplifting each other's spirit, sharing information and showing lots of love since our MYSPACE DAYS! LOVE YOU!

With that said...everyone look in the mirror smile, give yourself a pat on the back, throw yourself a kiss and let yourself know that you are special and you are somebody to somebody out there! That's my motto and motivation!

Bueno migente...me fui...hasta next blog!

What do I see

"Where do I look, where do I start, how do I look into my heart?" (Judy Torres)...Looking in the mirror and what do I see?  I see someone who is a 100% naturally ME!  The name is Julie but I like to be called Butterfly.  Today was one of them days I chose to look at myself; I like to do that once in awhile cause I like to always know where I stand and define who I am.  I am the type of person that tends to self analyze, self reflect and self diagnose.  Yea I got a degree in psychology.  Oops! did I say that out loud? Anyways!

There are certain things I learned about myself. Things I need to work on and things I don't.  "I wouldn't want to be anybody else". (Selena Gomez) So I learned that I really like who I am! I have a great personality!  After all that I endured in my life; I love the person I have come to be.  I am very expressive and always speak whats on my mind.  I find myself to be very talented in many ways and often like to share my talents.

Sometimes I tend to talk first and think later but then realize I was right anyway.  I tend to always turn a negative into a positive.  I am the type of person that doesn't look back but keeps moving forward.  No one is perfect that is why I always learn from my mistakes.  These are the things we call life's lessons learned.  I am never afraid of who I am.

I am very optimistic and like to think outside the box.  I like to joke around.  I often find myself blurting out at work, "how can I think outside the box if I work in a cubicle!".  Sometimes you can't take this job too serious; otherwise you will loose it.  Only another CPS will understand what I mean.

Sometimes I strive to be the perfect person, friend, family member etc.  But I accept my imperfections.  If not than who would I be.  I am happy most when I make someone else happy. I like to loose myself in my thoughts and let it all out when the time is right...just like now.

I enjoy living life and never scared to try anything new.  I am very enthusiastic and always eager to learn new things. I am innovative, creative and a woman all my own.

I am proud of the person that I am and this is what I see!

Hope you enjoyed! Until the next one!  :-)

Butterfly

It's whatever Meng!

My Name is Julie Rodriguez; prefer to be called Butterfly.  So what if I ain't got wings and don't fly! That's just what I like to be called...RESPECT that shit!  I am the type of person that likes to speak freely and share what's on my mind.  Some say I can be very expressive.  Oh well that's just who I be.  Sometimes it can get me into trouble but oh well It's whatever Meng!  As long as I let out what I was feeling at the moment and it no longer bothers me.  It's whatever Meng!

I am the type of person that loves freely.  But if you ain't got no love for me, then it's whatever Meng! Keep it moving.  I am the type of person that likes to be surrounded by love ones.  But if you choose to not stick around,  then it's whatever Meng!  I am the type of person that likes to make friends.  I like to keep it a 100% with all my friends. But if you fuggazi,  then it's whatever Meng! Keep it moving.  I am the type of person that thinks freely and likes to express my opinions.  If you have a problem with it than why ask; it's whatever Meng!

I am hyper but know how to tame myself when needed but then afterwards it be like whatever Meng!  I am a hard worker and my job can stress me out sometimes but at the end of the day and end of the week it be like whatever Meng!

Alright Yah probably tired of this blog...so gonna end it and work on the next one cause it's whatever Meng!

Love your Favorite New Celebrity Butterfly!

I got a college degree....umm and?

I have a Degree in Forensic Psychology.  But does that make me better than the next person? NO!
One of my pet peeves is to hear others use their degree or degree status to put another person thru the slumps.  Like really... just cause you got a Bachelors or Masters degree in whatever does not make you a better person than that person that has no degree at all.  That person with no degree  may be able to do a better job than you and probably me.  Having a degree does not always make a person smart...it just gives them a title with a value! Can you honestly sit there and say that what you do is based on your degree?  Can you sit there and say I have a degree that is being put to use.  Well I can, cause without mine I would not have the position that I have now.  Okay so I may not be a psychologist.  But I sure use what I learned in my psychology classes to deal with my clients, myself and most often my colleagues, cause if I didn't; I'd go nuts!!

I have met people with a higher status degree than the one that I have and still don't have a job.  I have seen people with no degree at all get better jobs than one with a PH.D.  Being Educated is not about having a degree as well as having a degree is not about being Educated. It bugs me when I hear someone say "I'm educated cause I have a degree and I went to college." Just want to tell them STFU who cares!   Ok you have a "degree" but do you have class?  Just cause a person has a degree does not make them a better person and does not give them the right to pass judgement on others.  Every time I hear a person say "they don't have a degree and I got a degree in this or that" and also hearing one say "OMG...so and so got a degree in this or that and they not doing nothing with themselves".  Makes me want to yell "so what WTF are you?  Just cause one has a degree does not make them SPECIAL!

The funny shit is I was walking the other day and saw a druggie telling a teen she was better than them and was well educated because she got a masters.   Umm Soooo why you ain't got a job and why you using drugs?  At least the teen was smart enough and had the class to walk away and ignore.  Must say I was proud of that teen for just walking away and not even passing judgement.  It goes to show that a degree don't really mean much unless you put it to use. I have put mine to use by getting the job I wanted and a position that required it.  What have you done with yours?

FYI: This is not a personal attack on anyone and no pun intended on anyone.  Expressing myself is what I do public or private!

You are my Sunshine!

Sweet sixteen years since you've been gone. It was hard the first five until I realized you body is resting in peace and your soul has gone to it's destination. Memories and photos are all that were left of you. Not a day goes by that your name is left unspoken. I no longer cry when this day comes by. For knowing that you are in a better place takes the pain away. There are times when I can feel you near me and guiding my every move helping god look over me. I often wonder how would life be if you were here right now. Would you still be called chachisunshine? Would you still be walking like Thomas Jefferson and imitating hulk holgan? Wondering if you'd still live in the hood and how many children would you have had? I look at my children and in some parts of them there is a piece of chachi; behavior wise and all. I know that I am never alone. I know that you and god are always walking with me, especially when I am out in the field. I know that you would have been proud of me for I have made my dreams come true. And will continue to fight and pursue to where I want to be. I embrace the memories and carry you in my heart cause no matter where you are we are never apart. You are my light, you are my Angel, You are my Sunshine! Happy Sweet sixteen in heaven!

Assorted Feelings!!

Yep,,,today was one of them days.  Started of yellow because that is how all my days begin.  I am always happy to be alive and well.  I love life and the people who are part of my life that includes all the City children on my case load.  So by noon I was green...I have way too damn much on my plate and it seems like no matter how much I express that I am stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, overworked and under paid.  No one really cares!!  All they want to hear is that I submitted something or closed something out.  Like SMH! really! And than on top of that I was not feeling well...felt nauseated and blah.  My high spirits just went down.

Like am no damn SUPER CPS!! I am human!! There are times when I get tired and there times when I will fail but it does not keep me from moving forward, learning more and succeeding in other areas.  Why is that the first thing that comes out of some peoples mouths is "what's up with them numbers?"  Well am no math magician.  But this is how it goes,  I close one or two cases out and guess what?  I get two or four more in return.  It' called a cycle!! Numbers go up and down!! But at least I am doing my job and trying my best to maintain my case load as well as my sanity!

So yea by the end day of the am pretty much RED because someone has risen my blood pressure with their madness.  So of course am bloggin it cause I need to release it cause I hate to go to bed angry and annoyed.  But there is something I want to say to that person.  I forgive you! I forgive you because I know that you mean well.  I forgive you because I appreciate you even when you make my blood pressure rise and smother me.

And with that I end this...peace out...your favorite New Celebrity Butterfly!

What it is for me as a CPS!

Job Description

Child Protective Specialists respond directly to reports of child abuse and/or neglect.  Using investigatory and social work skills, they partner with families and community resources to ensure the safety and well-being of children throughout New York City.

Typical Duties

• Complete field visits to investigate allegations of abuse and/or neglect.
• Interview family members and a broad range of contacts to assess child safety.
• Assess the risk of future abuse or neglect of children in the household.
• Coordinate a team of family members, staff and service providers to evaluate safety and identify interventions that can reduce risks for children.
• Remove child(ren) into protective custody or foster care, when appropriate.
• Enter and maintain accurate and timely computerized records of all case information.
• Help families navigate government agencies and access entitlement benefits.
• File petitions and testify in family court and other legal proceedings.

Ok so I gave you the Job Description and "Typical Duties".  That's just a small picture of what we really do.  

Here is how a typical day is for me, wake up at 6:30 am, so that I can get my own kids up to get them ready for school which includes making them breakfast and assuring that they get to school on time and daily.  Get myself ready for a days work and make sure I eat breakfast because if I don't take care of myself how can I take care of my children and the children on my case loads.  Ok so in training they told us to "plan ahead".  Ok so am going to go in update some notes and than make follow up visits on so and so and so.   Guess what?? That really does not work....no matter how much you plan ahead, nothing ever works as planned.  So I  get to work at 9:00 am or 10:00 am depending on the day and how long it took me to get in.  Good morning,  "you have a safety coming up, you have a IC coming up, you have a FASP overdue, you have to open up that FSI to an FSS and send that 2921 in."  Oh yea, umm don't forget you have to get an MH, DIR, DV or medical consult.  Ring ring...children services.  "I need you to complete that over due FASP and when you done submit that safety on so and so."  "Julie you have a pending!"  "call the source."  Umm what time is it now?  Lunch time! 

1:00 PM back to work.  Let me call this source again.  Oh damn 15 messages.  That's 15 calls I have to return while I update these 3 to 4 cases.  "Julie when are you leaving for that pending?, but before you leave I need that safety, oh and that IC on _____." Oh so now it's 5:30 and I have a pending to go to plus those 5 other follow up visits that I have already scheduled.  It's 10:00 PM "do you know where your children are at?"  Yea home sleeping or awake waiting to at least get that kiss good night, being watched by my BFF who cares enough to become the babysitter after he gets home from work because my hubby has to go to work while am en route home from my final visit.  So thats a typical day without the chaos.

A recent development (tragedy) occurred that just has me with my mind blown shattered.  And I know a lot of people know what am talking about cause it's only been all over the news and news papers and being repeated as if people did not get it the first time!  Two of our colleagues have been charged with CRIMINAL NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE FOR A CRIME THEY DID NOT COMMIT! 

Like WTF!!! So you mean that I can bust my butt all day and if something goes wrong, Am going to have some type of charge??  SMH! This is absurd....enough is enough!!  That's just plain abuse against us!  People are quick to judge and make comments about the agency and US CPS WORKERS, without knowing the amount of work that we have to do in a given day.  Work is supposed to be eight hours a day.  Sometimes I find myself working 12 plus and lets not forget if we have a removal that's an extra 5 to 8 hours we are working to go home take a cat nap, shower and get back to work and have to go to court and a whole bunch of other things we have to do on that same case; along with the other cases we have in our case load.  

I can not sit here and say damn they muffed up which I know that is what may be going through some peoples heads because they don't understand what we go through.  But I can sit here and pray for my colleagues and empathize with them and suffer with them.  To put our lives at risk with no protection other than the one we have from the Lord above and be ridiculed to charges for a crime we did not commit, is just plain inhumane.  

We are the front line.  We are the ones putting ourselves to the unknown. We get a case, we go out there in prayer that everything is fine with this family and that nothing happens to us so that we can continue to do what we love/like or appreciate doing.  For many it may be just a job, but for some of us it's a career or something that we want and love to do.  Whatever it may be, the point is we do it, because we want to.  

Am disappointed on how people minimize the work that we do and the amount of cases that we have.  "Typical procedures"....that's a pretty picture when you look at it.  But they left out the bigger picture!!  You know the one that says initial visits, mandates, follow ups, collateral contacts, source contacts, child safety conferences, meetings, phone calls, removals, referrals, consultations, field activity, court activity, placements...etc.  

Let's not forget the types of cases that we get.  Let's not forget the families, we don't just deal with your average Bill Cosby family! We don't just deal with your average family of four.  There are times when I had to interview a family of 9 with no assistance because everyone had their own work to do....oh how could I forget the mandatory 1-11's....that's  99 questions. That will take me 2 days to type! And we are not supposed to spend more than 30 minutes to an hour in a clients home....now how do you really expect me to do a thorough assessment in less than an hour.  9 times 1-11's, that's like 3 hours in that clients house, because I have to interview them separately.  And that is if they are not hostile cause if I knock and they are hostile, I got to think about my safety first...and than I have to try to calm them and engage them, that's another 15 to 20 minutes.

Oh and I can't forget, we don't work in the safest neighborhoods.  We don't work in the country side.  To call us GHETTO AND INCOMPETENT"!!! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU WALK IN OUR SHOES!! Have you ever had to remove a crying child from their parents?  Have you ever had to walk by a crime scene that had nothing to do with you or your case?  Have you ever had someone curse you out because a case was called in on them?  Have you ever had a door slammed to your face? Have you ever walked alone at night after conducting mandated visits praying that you get home to your own children??? WHO are YOU to JUDGE?

"Commissioner John Mattingly said on Thursday that ACS workers have an average of 10 families per worker - a lighter load than their counterparts in other cities."  Surely you can't be serious!! Are those numbers correct?? I must be super CPS if I make it to that number.  When we will reality strike that we have way too damn much work for us to do on a damn given day?? When will reality strike that all these damn budget cuts are taking away services that we can be providing our families??  When will reality strike that we are over worked and underpaid??

I'm just saying!!

 I may not be the perfect CPS I want to be but at least I try my best! and do the best that I can do to assure that children on my case load are safe.  Let our people go!!! How can you charge them for a murder they did not commit.  I don't know what happened there but I do believe that they have already paid the price by being laid off.  To be put in jail and charge with a crime.  IT'S JUST PLAIN INHUMANE AND RIDICULOUS!!! WHAT ABOUT OUR SAFETY? WE ASKED TO HAVE THE  BILL A4525...MAKING IT A FELONY TO ASSAULT ANY SOCIAL SERVICE EMPLOYEE IN NEW YORK STATE AND WE HAVE NOT RECEIVED THAT BUT YET YOU WANT TO CHARGE US WITH NEGLIGENT HOMICIDES FOR CRIMES WE DO NOT COMMIT!!!!