Weird but true experience...

            There are certain things that happen in life that makes the mind just wonder, things that you can not explain but must accept and keep it moving.  There are people that you will automatically connect to without a doubt.  For those who have kids.  Have you ever been somewhere and all of a sudden you get this weird feeling that something is wrong with your child.  And next to you know you come to find out that maybe your child is sick at school, fell and got hurt or is sad about something.  It's called a gut feeling, a bonding, a connection that you have to that person.  Because you are a part of that person's life and love that person, you can sometimes feel what they feel whether its happiness or sadness.  Sometimes it even happens when you are close to your parents....you can sometimes feel their stress or sadness even when you are not near them.  Well the same goes for me and my friends.  Something weird happen to me last night.  Or should I say early this morning.  I have  this person I am somewhat and somehow close to, you can say she's my friend.  So I go to bed and all of sudden, I felt this heaviness on my shoulders, my chest got tight and than I began to cry for like no reason! So I close my eyes and guess who I see...my friend crying.  Weird but true I was feeling my friends pain.  Why? I don't know. But I wake up this morning only to find out that she's sad and hurting and could not sleep at the same time that I could not sleep.  I guess we have some sort of  bond I can't explain.  But can say there is a reason why we're friends.  There is a reason why god put us in each others life and why our friendship is here to stay.  Know that you can always depend on me.  Know that I care as much as you do.  Know that I am always listening even when you think I don't and Know that I am always grateful for everything you do for me.  I gotta say I learn a lot from you.   I learned how to function, love, live and conquer and no matter how imperfect I am, I can always try my best and I can always accomplish what I set my mind and heart to.

You are a true friend and I love you.

The Move

So I finally moved into my new apartment last week.  I must say it was the most stressful thing at first because I had sooo much to do! I had to not only unpack, but had to register the little one in school for kindergarten and than transfer my daughter from her old school to the new one.  Oh and than I had my father's birthday and my house warming.  Thanks to my BFF Sammy and my lil bro Ramze, I was able to pull through my first week at the new crib. These are the best, they helped me unpack, clean the house and get my kids situated.  

So I like had to miss days of work in which I felt bad missing but my children's education come first and so does my sanity.   So by the grace of god I was able to register the little one in kindergarten. However my daughter's school was a bitch to transfer her.  So like I went the first day to transfer her and they told me I needed proof of address, yea like umm hello like I have my lease! So they tell me oh not the lease con ed...So like yea did I not mention I just moved in and I have not received a con ed bill because I just moved in.  So I had to go to con ed and get a letter stating that I have an account with them at my home address... SMH!  So I go back with the letter, my daughters last transcript and her immunizations.  They than tell me oh she is missing the Tdap shot, I say no she is not, she got it last school year and I remember because she was excluded from school until she got the shot and that shot is given every ten years.  So it so happens that her doctor forgot to write it in her record.  

Now the school has a system that I have at work.  So I tell the woman if she checks the system she will see that my daughter has the shot.  She said " no I have to see proof in black and white"...SMH! So what did I do, went to work and printed out in black and white and took it to her.  She looked at it and said "oh you work for the city?"  Like no shit, I told you that four days ago when I first came to register her, and by the way that document I just gave you, you could have pulled out yourself four days ago and she would have not missed all these days.  

So during that week, I totally felt like a freaking client and now understand what my clients go through when they have to deal with the school and yet these damn school have the nerve to call in cases.  So anyway at least she is school now which is whats important.  

Well my house warming went well as well as my father's birthday!  I am 3/4 done with the unpacking but still working on some new furniture.  So I am beginning to feel so much better now.  

To be continued...

Life goes on...

All she wanted was love and affection.
All she needed was some attention.
Someone to just listen and understand.
She wanted a teacher not a preacher.
Someone who would be able to lead her in the right direction.
Someone to make sure she didn't take the wrong paths.
All she needed was someone to run to.
Someone who she can turn to.
Instead she grew up on her own, all alone.
She made the right moves.
While she looked for someone to approve of the hard decisions she had to make.
Now she just stands there and waits.
For the day to come where she moves on.

Dedicated to my pride and joy who inspires me.

DREAMS CAN COME TRUE!!

So I am a Child Protective Specialist! I have finally made two years in the agency.  So much has happened within these two years and I have endured more stress-ors and stresses than anyone can ever imagine.  But I love my job and I love what I do.  So my biggest dream is to become the next Commissioner of ACS.  YES! I want to be the next John Mattingly.  So I have already taken the first step by making it into the agency.  It took 5 years but I did it! I got on my feet, put my past behind me, went to college and obtained my Bachelors Degree in Forensic Psychology and than I went for it.  I went for my dream of becoming a CPS and succeeded.  

Now its time to work on my second dream and make it come true like I did my first.  My goals are to get my MSW so that I can move up.  I will get my MSW and grow in this agency so that I can get where I need to get to be the next Commissioner.  I have faith and I believe in myself an through god, all things are possible!

I will Succeed! Just you wait and see!

The picture frame on my desk...

So my co-worker wants to know whats the significance of the picture frame on my desk.  Well when growing up I have always had the desire to work in the field of child protection.  So my peoples think I am weird for having a picture frame with photos of innocent deceased children.  So call me weird but that's not how I see myself or how I see things.  The picture holds a meaning to me.  It is a reminder to do a great job so that we don't have anymore children to add to the picture.  My job isn't easy and there are stressful and certain situations that would make me want to quit but every time I take a look at the picture it reminds me of the reason I came into this field in the first place.  It reminds me that I have a purpose and that purpose is to serve and protect the children.  In the agencies eyes and in my eyes; the safety of the children come first.  The minute I walk into the office, the first thing I do is turn on the computer, look at my picture that I created and begin to focus on my purpose, than take it case by case and return the hundred voice mails and emails I have received.

When I get a new case, the first thing I do is look at the picture and pray to god and all my little angels to guide me and help me focus when I am out there, so that I can see what needs to be seen and hear what needs to be heard.  Than I prepare to go out and do what I am destined to do.  Children are vulnerable but children love their parents no matter what is going on in their lives, so they are not always going to be open to say my parents are abusing or neglecting me.  So it is up to my eyes to see  and my ears to hear what they are afraid to tell me so that I can protect them.

So I hope this answers your question.  If not than I don't know what else to tell you.  That's just me!! It's in my nature to be real with myself and with those that I am surround by.  They are also my little inspirations as to why I must work hard to get where I want to get in the agency.

The Name Butterfly!

I often get the question, why do I call myself Butterfly or where did the name Butterfly come from.  Well it all started like this.  I read a book called the Life Cycle of a Butterfly to my daughter when she was younger and that story triggered an emotional event for me.  A Butterfly is first a caterpillar and a caterpillar has to die before a Butterfly is born. 

I was once a twin and now I am what they would call a surviving twin.  Normally surviving twins are separated at birth through illness or one being stillborn etc or later on in life through an illness etc.  In my occassion it was through death.  My twin and I were very close and sometimes....well the majority of the times inseparable.  Events happened in our lives and we went through our ups and downs and sibling rivalries but we were still close.   At age 19 things took a turn in my life.  My twin passed away, not sure whether he had commited suicide or he was murdered because we really never found out the truth and too many stories were told.  However that is all in God's hands now and even if we searched for the truth...it will not bring him back.  So for me my life with my twin were my caterpillar years.  The day my twin passed away...a part of me died but another part of me came to life and that is why I call myself Butterfly.

It was hard learning to live on my own without my other half at the begining of living the single twin life "the surviving twin".  Thank God he gave my mom 6 other children besides us because they were able to lift my spirits and keep me going to appreciate life more than ever now. 

Well just wanted to answer the curiosities of why the name Butterfly. 

To be continued...