Life goes on...

All she wanted was love and affection.
All she needed was some attention.
Someone to just listen and understand.
She wanted a teacher not a preacher.
Someone who would be able to lead her in the right direction.
Someone to make sure she didn't take the wrong paths.
All she needed was someone to run to.
Someone who she can turn to.
Instead she grew up on her own, all alone.
She made the right moves.
While she looked for someone to approve of the hard decisions she had to make.
Now she just stands there and waits.
For the day to come where she moves on.

Dedicated to my pride and joy who inspires me.

DREAMS CAN COME TRUE!!

So I am a Child Protective Specialist! I have finally made two years in the agency.  So much has happened within these two years and I have endured more stress-ors and stresses than anyone can ever imagine.  But I love my job and I love what I do.  So my biggest dream is to become the next Commissioner of ACS.  YES! I want to be the next John Mattingly.  So I have already taken the first step by making it into the agency.  It took 5 years but I did it! I got on my feet, put my past behind me, went to college and obtained my Bachelors Degree in Forensic Psychology and than I went for it.  I went for my dream of becoming a CPS and succeeded.  

Now its time to work on my second dream and make it come true like I did my first.  My goals are to get my MSW so that I can move up.  I will get my MSW and grow in this agency so that I can get where I need to get to be the next Commissioner.  I have faith and I believe in myself an through god, all things are possible!

I will Succeed! Just you wait and see!

The picture frame on my desk...

So my co-worker wants to know whats the significance of the picture frame on my desk.  Well when growing up I have always had the desire to work in the field of child protection.  So my peoples think I am weird for having a picture frame with photos of innocent deceased children.  So call me weird but that's not how I see myself or how I see things.  The picture holds a meaning to me.  It is a reminder to do a great job so that we don't have anymore children to add to the picture.  My job isn't easy and there are stressful and certain situations that would make me want to quit but every time I take a look at the picture it reminds me of the reason I came into this field in the first place.  It reminds me that I have a purpose and that purpose is to serve and protect the children.  In the agencies eyes and in my eyes; the safety of the children come first.  The minute I walk into the office, the first thing I do is turn on the computer, look at my picture that I created and begin to focus on my purpose, than take it case by case and return the hundred voice mails and emails I have received.

When I get a new case, the first thing I do is look at the picture and pray to god and all my little angels to guide me and help me focus when I am out there, so that I can see what needs to be seen and hear what needs to be heard.  Than I prepare to go out and do what I am destined to do.  Children are vulnerable but children love their parents no matter what is going on in their lives, so they are not always going to be open to say my parents are abusing or neglecting me.  So it is up to my eyes to see  and my ears to hear what they are afraid to tell me so that I can protect them.

So I hope this answers your question.  If not than I don't know what else to tell you.  That's just me!! It's in my nature to be real with myself and with those that I am surround by.  They are also my little inspirations as to why I must work hard to get where I want to get in the agency.

The Name Butterfly!

I often get the question, why do I call myself Butterfly or where did the name Butterfly come from.  Well it all started like this.  I read a book called the Life Cycle of a Butterfly to my daughter when she was younger and that story triggered an emotional event for me.  A Butterfly is first a caterpillar and a caterpillar has to die before a Butterfly is born. 

I was once a twin and now I am what they would call a surviving twin.  Normally surviving twins are separated at birth through illness or one being stillborn etc or later on in life through an illness etc.  In my occassion it was through death.  My twin and I were very close and sometimes....well the majority of the times inseparable.  Events happened in our lives and we went through our ups and downs and sibling rivalries but we were still close.   At age 19 things took a turn in my life.  My twin passed away, not sure whether he had commited suicide or he was murdered because we really never found out the truth and too many stories were told.  However that is all in God's hands now and even if we searched for the truth...it will not bring him back.  So for me my life with my twin were my caterpillar years.  The day my twin passed away...a part of me died but another part of me came to life and that is why I call myself Butterfly.

It was hard learning to live on my own without my other half at the begining of living the single twin life "the surviving twin".  Thank God he gave my mom 6 other children besides us because they were able to lift my spirits and keep me going to appreciate life more than ever now. 

Well just wanted to answer the curiosities of why the name Butterfly. 

To be continued...