You are my Sunshine!

Sweet sixteen years since you've been gone. It was hard the first five until I realized you body is resting in peace and your soul has gone to it's destination. Memories and photos are all that were left of you. Not a day goes by that your name is left unspoken. I no longer cry when this day comes by. For knowing that you are in a better place takes the pain away. There are times when I can feel you near me and guiding my every move helping god look over me. I often wonder how would life be if you were here right now. Would you still be called chachisunshine? Would you still be walking like Thomas Jefferson and imitating hulk holgan? Wondering if you'd still live in the hood and how many children would you have had? I look at my children and in some parts of them there is a piece of chachi; behavior wise and all. I know that I am never alone. I know that you and god are always walking with me, especially when I am out in the field. I know that you would have been proud of me for I have made my dreams come true. And will continue to fight and pursue to where I want to be. I embrace the memories and carry you in my heart cause no matter where you are we are never apart. You are my light, you are my Angel, You are my Sunshine! Happy Sweet sixteen in heaven!

Assorted Feelings!!

Yep,,,today was one of them days.  Started of yellow because that is how all my days begin.  I am always happy to be alive and well.  I love life and the people who are part of my life that includes all the City children on my case load.  So by noon I was green...I have way too damn much on my plate and it seems like no matter how much I express that I am stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, overworked and under paid.  No one really cares!!  All they want to hear is that I submitted something or closed something out.  Like SMH! really! And than on top of that I was not feeling well...felt nauseated and blah.  My high spirits just went down.

Like am no damn SUPER CPS!! I am human!! There are times when I get tired and there times when I will fail but it does not keep me from moving forward, learning more and succeeding in other areas.  Why is that the first thing that comes out of some peoples mouths is "what's up with them numbers?"  Well am no math magician.  But this is how it goes,  I close one or two cases out and guess what?  I get two or four more in return.  It' called a cycle!! Numbers go up and down!! But at least I am doing my job and trying my best to maintain my case load as well as my sanity!

So yea by the end day of the am pretty much RED because someone has risen my blood pressure with their madness.  So of course am bloggin it cause I need to release it cause I hate to go to bed angry and annoyed.  But there is something I want to say to that person.  I forgive you! I forgive you because I know that you mean well.  I forgive you because I appreciate you even when you make my blood pressure rise and smother me.

And with that I end this...peace out...your favorite New Celebrity Butterfly!

What it is for me as a CPS!

Job Description

Child Protective Specialists respond directly to reports of child abuse and/or neglect.  Using investigatory and social work skills, they partner with families and community resources to ensure the safety and well-being of children throughout New York City.

Typical Duties

• Complete field visits to investigate allegations of abuse and/or neglect.
• Interview family members and a broad range of contacts to assess child safety.
• Assess the risk of future abuse or neglect of children in the household.
• Coordinate a team of family members, staff and service providers to evaluate safety and identify interventions that can reduce risks for children.
• Remove child(ren) into protective custody or foster care, when appropriate.
• Enter and maintain accurate and timely computerized records of all case information.
• Help families navigate government agencies and access entitlement benefits.
• File petitions and testify in family court and other legal proceedings.

Ok so I gave you the Job Description and "Typical Duties".  That's just a small picture of what we really do.  

Here is how a typical day is for me, wake up at 6:30 am, so that I can get my own kids up to get them ready for school which includes making them breakfast and assuring that they get to school on time and daily.  Get myself ready for a days work and make sure I eat breakfast because if I don't take care of myself how can I take care of my children and the children on my case loads.  Ok so in training they told us to "plan ahead".  Ok so am going to go in update some notes and than make follow up visits on so and so and so.   Guess what?? That really does not work....no matter how much you plan ahead, nothing ever works as planned.  So I  get to work at 9:00 am or 10:00 am depending on the day and how long it took me to get in.  Good morning,  "you have a safety coming up, you have a IC coming up, you have a FASP overdue, you have to open up that FSI to an FSS and send that 2921 in."  Oh yea, umm don't forget you have to get an MH, DIR, DV or medical consult.  Ring ring...children services.  "I need you to complete that over due FASP and when you done submit that safety on so and so."  "Julie you have a pending!"  "call the source."  Umm what time is it now?  Lunch time! 

1:00 PM back to work.  Let me call this source again.  Oh damn 15 messages.  That's 15 calls I have to return while I update these 3 to 4 cases.  "Julie when are you leaving for that pending?, but before you leave I need that safety, oh and that IC on _____." Oh so now it's 5:30 and I have a pending to go to plus those 5 other follow up visits that I have already scheduled.  It's 10:00 PM "do you know where your children are at?"  Yea home sleeping or awake waiting to at least get that kiss good night, being watched by my BFF who cares enough to become the babysitter after he gets home from work because my hubby has to go to work while am en route home from my final visit.  So thats a typical day without the chaos.

A recent development (tragedy) occurred that just has me with my mind blown shattered.  And I know a lot of people know what am talking about cause it's only been all over the news and news papers and being repeated as if people did not get it the first time!  Two of our colleagues have been charged with CRIMINAL NEGLIGENT HOMICIDE FOR A CRIME THEY DID NOT COMMIT! 

Like WTF!!! So you mean that I can bust my butt all day and if something goes wrong, Am going to have some type of charge??  SMH! This is absurd....enough is enough!!  That's just plain abuse against us!  People are quick to judge and make comments about the agency and US CPS WORKERS, without knowing the amount of work that we have to do in a given day.  Work is supposed to be eight hours a day.  Sometimes I find myself working 12 plus and lets not forget if we have a removal that's an extra 5 to 8 hours we are working to go home take a cat nap, shower and get back to work and have to go to court and a whole bunch of other things we have to do on that same case; along with the other cases we have in our case load.  

I can not sit here and say damn they muffed up which I know that is what may be going through some peoples heads because they don't understand what we go through.  But I can sit here and pray for my colleagues and empathize with them and suffer with them.  To put our lives at risk with no protection other than the one we have from the Lord above and be ridiculed to charges for a crime we did not commit, is just plain inhumane.  

We are the front line.  We are the ones putting ourselves to the unknown. We get a case, we go out there in prayer that everything is fine with this family and that nothing happens to us so that we can continue to do what we love/like or appreciate doing.  For many it may be just a job, but for some of us it's a career or something that we want and love to do.  Whatever it may be, the point is we do it, because we want to.  

Am disappointed on how people minimize the work that we do and the amount of cases that we have.  "Typical procedures"....that's a pretty picture when you look at it.  But they left out the bigger picture!!  You know the one that says initial visits, mandates, follow ups, collateral contacts, source contacts, child safety conferences, meetings, phone calls, removals, referrals, consultations, field activity, court activity, placements...etc.  

Let's not forget the types of cases that we get.  Let's not forget the families, we don't just deal with your average Bill Cosby family! We don't just deal with your average family of four.  There are times when I had to interview a family of 9 with no assistance because everyone had their own work to do....oh how could I forget the mandatory 1-11's....that's  99 questions. That will take me 2 days to type! And we are not supposed to spend more than 30 minutes to an hour in a clients home....now how do you really expect me to do a thorough assessment in less than an hour.  9 times 1-11's, that's like 3 hours in that clients house, because I have to interview them separately.  And that is if they are not hostile cause if I knock and they are hostile, I got to think about my safety first...and than I have to try to calm them and engage them, that's another 15 to 20 minutes.

Oh and I can't forget, we don't work in the safest neighborhoods.  We don't work in the country side.  To call us GHETTO AND INCOMPETENT"!!! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU WALK IN OUR SHOES!! Have you ever had to remove a crying child from their parents?  Have you ever had to walk by a crime scene that had nothing to do with you or your case?  Have you ever had someone curse you out because a case was called in on them?  Have you ever had a door slammed to your face? Have you ever walked alone at night after conducting mandated visits praying that you get home to your own children??? WHO are YOU to JUDGE?

"Commissioner John Mattingly said on Thursday that ACS workers have an average of 10 families per worker - a lighter load than their counterparts in other cities."  Surely you can't be serious!! Are those numbers correct?? I must be super CPS if I make it to that number.  When we will reality strike that we have way too damn much work for us to do on a damn given day?? When will reality strike that all these damn budget cuts are taking away services that we can be providing our families??  When will reality strike that we are over worked and underpaid??

I'm just saying!!

 I may not be the perfect CPS I want to be but at least I try my best! and do the best that I can do to assure that children on my case load are safe.  Let our people go!!! How can you charge them for a murder they did not commit.  I don't know what happened there but I do believe that they have already paid the price by being laid off.  To be put in jail and charge with a crime.  IT'S JUST PLAIN INHUMANE AND RIDICULOUS!!! WHAT ABOUT OUR SAFETY? WE ASKED TO HAVE THE  BILL A4525...MAKING IT A FELONY TO ASSAULT ANY SOCIAL SERVICE EMPLOYEE IN NEW YORK STATE AND WE HAVE NOT RECEIVED THAT BUT YET YOU WANT TO CHARGE US WITH NEGLIGENT HOMICIDES FOR CRIMES WE DO NOT COMMIT!!!!

2010 Has been a GOOD and BAD year for me....

OK So January started off with a bang because I spent it with my parents and my mom had gotten better!  February is my sons and my BF/adopted sister's birthdays. The two most exciting days and not too much happened except for my former supervisor starting to get on my last FREAKING NERVES!!  February was also a month that caught the best of me.  I received a crazy but fun case of the year.  Can't discuss details because I don't like violating confidentiality.  But anyways this case had me feeling like I was at an unnecessary scene of Law and Order...but I did what I had to do regardless of the BS and DRAMA!! LMAO! (insider with Moma BC).  This is also when I got to really meet the Assistant Commissioner at the office.  I call her Moma BC....she is leaving us....so yea like am really going to miss her! She moving on to bigger and better things.  Oh wait....back to me!! And I also managed to get to know two of the most wonderful deputies and my Lissy Starr.    So moving on to March....this is the month where my first born was delivered via c-section 13 years ago!!  So we had plans to celebrate but she did not want to because she is not a kid anymore. So dinner and a movie it was.  I do not even want to think about the expense I am in for on the sweet sixteen.

So March became a bad month for me after my princess's b'day.  That's when I was hit with a BAM!! I got my FIRST and prayerfully my LAST fatality case.  Yea I have been traumatized ever since!  Anyways, thank god it was not what I thought it was....enough said.  R.I.P babygirl. But I gotta say that aside the fact that I was depressed over this traumatizing events in which I chose to deal with on my own cause I don't like anyone in my business.  This case has made me a more focused and stronger person.  I learned a whole lot from this plus I had my Lissy Starr to vent to when needed.  She the BEST!  Not only did I have that fatality but Grandma Leo ended up in the hospital.  And thanks to Moma BC I was able to focus both on my work and my grandma.  I don't know what am gonna do when Moma BC leave.

So April came and was hearing good news at the beginning and than BANG! Grandma left to be with Jesus.  RIP Grandma...MISS YOU! Glad to have gotten the opportunity to be by your bedside while you were at the hospital.  And thank you for letting me know that you were proud of me and that you loved me before you left.  And thanks for the SMILE.  I will forever hold that memory!  Oh but guess what?! April was also a good month.  I was finally moved from my HELL of a UNIT!!  Well let me take that back.....the unit was not hell.  But my former supervisor put me through soooooooo much HELL....that's the way I felt.  So I was found a new temporary foster cubicle that I am dying to get out of.  I can not find any supervisor that is as compatible as I am.  Oh wait I think I might have one...her name is Parker.  Oh and McCrae too bad she training unit now...cause I believe that is like met my best Match.  Anyways so I was told that I am stuck!! for a while because...am not even gonna go there....BUT I will say that I will prove to my lovely Corinne that I will meet her expectations!

So May came and I began to focus and notice a change in me.  I was less stressed and able to work cause I had a new cubicle and did not have to deal with that stress-or, I have had for the previous two years.  I loved my job even more and began to feel like I was finally being heard!!

June...my mommy's birth month.  So we celebrated at her home.  And it was also my dear friend Judy Torres birthday...so I hit her up on myspace, facebook and KTU...LOL! And it was also Moma Doris bday...so shouted her out on FB and blew up her work and personal emails...am just that cool.

So than JULY came....my birth month and the month when I lost my twin but gained an ANGEL! So July 7th he made 15 years in heaven and than I freaking turn 35! OMG!!! Am getting old!! Oh yea...I also made 9 years with my boo boo's daddy! jejeje....And the most magnificent thing happened.  My BFF/second pops and moms/uncle/aunt/brother and sister(oh F it...he my everything cause sometimes he can be my son...LOL) Samuel Soto dared me to get on an airplane with my children and go with him to Puerto Rico!!! My first answer to him was "OH HEEEELLLLLL NOOO, I AIN'T GETTING ON NO FUCKING AIRPLANE"....IS YOU CRAZY!!!.  And than after him bothering for a couple of weeks.  I gave in!! and had the BEST time of my LIFE....and till this day I still get chills...I got on an AIRPLANE! I wanna go again!!! I want to go to SANTO DOMINGO!!!

Okay So September came and children are back in school,  freaking cases began flying in...the beginning of fall stress...LOL.

So it's October and my boo boo began school!! He is in Kindergarten and he loves and hates it....LOL typical child of mine! Oh and yea...I freaking moved out LA CASA DE DRAMA Y BOCHINCHE!! LMAO!!!  BFF did me a house warming! I so freaking love that guy.  I felt so welcomed in my new home.  So this was also my Lissy Starr's birth month.  So I blew up her text, email and FB PM...LOL.  And this was my sis and daddy's birth month, so we cut them a cake at the house warming too and I gave my daddy a cell phone for his bday and mom cursed me out cause she old fashioned and pops is slightly not...LMAO...gotta love that little woman.

And November came and I QUIT SMOKING for good!!!!  and Thanksgiving was great, we did it in my house and I was so happy that my mommy came!! So we got dunk and shit and I still made it to work the next day cause the Commissioner did not give us the day off and he never does....that freaking sucks!

and we are in December...I lost a friend who was more like an uncle....RIP Don Tomas!  And my honey gave me an Xbox....he drive me crazy sometimes but I gotta love that man, because he took in me and my daughter....not a lot of men get involved with women who already has a child.  and not every man can put up with my bitchassness...LOL.  And I also got paid and went broke on Christmas gifts and BILLS...blah!   OMG and my unit went on vacation but me...and I had the craziest week this week.....I thought I was going to loose some of the little marbles I have left....LMAO but My Lissy Starr came to my rescue and we bonded for the past three days at lunch time.  I love that chic!  She is such a sweetheart.

Oh and last but not least, I learned that I am the strongest and strangest person I have ever met!

R.I.P Thomas Scull

I sat here in prayer for you and Jeanette when I first learned that you landed in the hospital.  I sat here this morning in shock and despair and SMH when I learned that you left us.  I sit here now with a SMILE on my face and your voice in my head and knowing that you are in a better place and that you are no longer suffering.  I sit hear remembering all the good times we had in and out of VOA.  I sit here and remember all the smiles you put on my face when I was feeling down.  How you motivated me and encouraged me to do me and forget everybody else.  How you had faith in me and helped to build my self esteem.  Remembering when I first told you; Thomas I am applying for ACS and how you told me " Do it, do it baby, you can do anything cause you a smart girl."  Those words meant a lot to me.  You were like the Cuban uncle I never had.  BTW still waiting for my trip to Cuba you promised to take me and my kids on.  But its okay I will go one day god willing in your name and I will make sure that we have a great time.  I remember when I first became family monitor and was the first one at the school, you always had my coffee ready.  That was the best coffee I ever had and I miss it.  Brings a smile to my face when I think of how my morning greeting was "good morning nigga wassup?"  LOL! Those were great times.  You were my smoking buddy at 167th and guess what I quit smoking! Thank god!  You were my Spanish teacher while I was your English teacher and how all we taught each other were all the bad words. LOL.   I remember how I told you Thomas I'm in, I'm leaving VOA and going to ACS and how you said "Good for you, I knew you can do it, I'm proud of you meng, you my nigga."  Those meaningful words will be a part of me until its my turn.  I can go on and on but keep my memories and let you go.  I will take care of your Jeanette and be there for her as long as she needs me to and that's a promise.

Love you and miss you already.....
May you Rest In Peace...

Walton Memories 101

I grew up in this block called Walton Avenue, where everybody knew everybody.  Summer time was the best times in Walton.  I remember living on the first floor and I barely used the door to leave the house cause I was always jumping out the window.  My best friends in the block was this chick called Alice aka "Weehee" and Anganee if I am spelling it right.  But you could always catch me out in front of the building with "Mari", "Barbie" "Bonita" and Wally.  We were like the good girls of the block who were always getting into trouble.  Come to think of it.. I think I fought with more boys than I did girls...LMAO....that's cause I was the tomboy of the crew. Really thinking about it, I think I fought the most out of the crew and that's cause I was the shortest and the quietest that nikkas thought they could pick on me and get away with it.  HA! But it was the shortest that had the last laugh!  

Do you know that the best times in life are the most embarrassing ones that you can look back and laugh about it.  Like the times when out moms would yell our names out the window to go to the bodega!  Dinner time was the bomb...especially when Lucy would cook (Lucy is the grandma of the block).  Latinos always got the grandma of the block.  Come to think about it...we had everything in that block.  Beginning with the corner of the block....901 "The outcast"...where the store owners lived and where all the most depressing people lived...cause they was always talking about how their boyfriend/girlfriend left them and how they wanted to end their lives....That building needed a prescription of prozac!  Than we have 911...."The Bullies"...Most of the trouble makers lived in that building, which most were the all talk but no action and always had to be jumping somebody instead having a fair clean fight....I believe Emmit knows what I mean.  Than we had 923-"The Bipolar" building...this is the building where everybody believed they was family...we would walk into each others apartment like we were part of the family..."knock knock...who is it?...me....open the door...smh...that's how we rolled.  But than the next day...we was fighting like siblings and shit...LMAO...and the next day...it was forgive and forget, back to being friends again.  That is where the best memories began.  Than we have 955 aka..."The drug den"....this where we believe that all of the drugs were being sold from...the building that had the most bullet holes...cause there was always a shoot out.  Last but not least...we had 975...the biggest building in the block...That was the trick or treat building....cause the only time we stepped in there was on Halloween cause thats where we got the most candies.

So we had some very famous people in our block...but I am saving that for the next blog....getting late heading to bed.

TO BE CONTINUED!!

Weird but true experience...

            There are certain things that happen in life that makes the mind just wonder, things that you can not explain but must accept and keep it moving.  There are people that you will automatically connect to without a doubt.  For those who have kids.  Have you ever been somewhere and all of a sudden you get this weird feeling that something is wrong with your child.  And next to you know you come to find out that maybe your child is sick at school, fell and got hurt or is sad about something.  It's called a gut feeling, a bonding, a connection that you have to that person.  Because you are a part of that person's life and love that person, you can sometimes feel what they feel whether its happiness or sadness.  Sometimes it even happens when you are close to your parents....you can sometimes feel their stress or sadness even when you are not near them.  Well the same goes for me and my friends.  Something weird happen to me last night.  Or should I say early this morning.  I have  this person I am somewhat and somehow close to, you can say she's my friend.  So I go to bed and all of sudden, I felt this heaviness on my shoulders, my chest got tight and than I began to cry for like no reason! So I close my eyes and guess who I see...my friend crying.  Weird but true I was feeling my friends pain.  Why? I don't know. But I wake up this morning only to find out that she's sad and hurting and could not sleep at the same time that I could not sleep.  I guess we have some sort of  bond I can't explain.  But can say there is a reason why we're friends.  There is a reason why god put us in each others life and why our friendship is here to stay.  Know that you can always depend on me.  Know that I care as much as you do.  Know that I am always listening even when you think I don't and Know that I am always grateful for everything you do for me.  I gotta say I learn a lot from you.   I learned how to function, love, live and conquer and no matter how imperfect I am, I can always try my best and I can always accomplish what I set my mind and heart to.

You are a true friend and I love you.